The Blog O'Jennifer

I Have Moved!

2010-05-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, folks, sorry for the tremendous delay in updating this blog, but life kind of got in the way. Also, the husband and I were trying to put together a joint blog. Anyway, you can now read my blog at www.gregandjennifersworld.com. It is still a work in progress, but I hope to update it much more frequently than I have in the past couple of months.

Thanks for traveling to the new site with me.

I Need One of These...Seriously

2010-03-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

I really do need one of these. I am completely and totally serious. I know you have heard me talk about my great love my for hair dryer (and I promise that I am not forsaking said dryer), but as my hair just takes so long to blow dry, I am looking for some alternative means of drying the hair.

As I was surfing the net (yes, I googled "how do you blow dry your hair?"), I stumbled across this lovely contraption. I know these helmet style hair dryers have been around for many, many decades, but I think they have been vastly underappreciated and underutilized.

I mean just think about it. You could get up, take a shower and wash your hair, put it in the puffy hair dryer bonnet, strategically position the blower hose so that you would not accidentally strangle yourself, and then lay back down and get a good 30-45 minutes more sleep. Total REM cycle jackpot! Or, what if you need to wash the dishes and get your hair dry, but you just don't have much time. Set that baby on the kitchen counter next to your sink, and start awashin'. Yes, there is the possibility of electrocution, but on the bright side, your hair will look lovely when the ambulance comes to take you away.

All in all, I think the hosed hair dryer offers endless possibilities. I'm thinking of starting a campaign to bring back the hosed hair dryer. Is anybody with me?

4 Weeks of PB&J

2010-03-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

Can I get away with eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for four weeks in a row, and it not seem odd? What about if I made sure and ate my PB&J on a nice hearty whole wheat bread? Would that make it any better?

The husband has to work late for the next four weeks (starting with last night), and PB&J (which really is a favorite of mine) was all I could muster up for dinner. So, I am thinking that since he won't be home for dinner, can I just get away with this for the next four weeks?

Think about how much my grocery bill will be slashed. A jar of peanut butter and squeeze bottle of jelly will easily last 3 weeks, and a loaf of bread for 2. Of course, I will probably end up spending the money I save in groceries at the doctor's office because my nose will have turned a funny shade of "peanut brown" and the inside of my mouth will be stuck together as my internal organs slowly start to shut down from all of the gooey-ness, but can that really be all that bad?

Hmm...what to do for dinner.

Crestfallen...Utterly Crestfallen

2010-03-19T15:50:00.001-07:00

I am crestfallen...utterly crestfallen. I went to visit the Social Security Office to have my name changed on my social security card (one of the many "name change" tasks) only to find out that my name ISN'T really my name.

Some of you may know that Jennifer is actually my middle name and not my first name. Yet, my parents have called me by this name since I was born. When I entered school, it started to become a little bit of a problem because the computers would instantly spit out "Rebecca" on the roll sheet, and each year (with each new class), I would have to raise my hand and politely explain to the teacher that I go by "Jennifer".

By the time I reached college, it began to get a little tiresome, and so in certain classes (the classes of 300 students taught by a graduate student), I wouldn't bother to correct the teachers (which also caused confusion, but that is a story for another post).

When I began to work as a public school teacher, I would grow frustrated because my school district email address would always read "Rebecca.Reinsch" at certain school district dot org. And I would explain to the computer tech who set up the email accounts that I go by Jennifer and couldn't we possibly make my email address read Jennifer.Reinsch? To which I was told in no uncertain terms that that was completely impossible to do. So, I would have to explain to all of the parents of my students my whole Rebecca/Jennifer issue.

Needless to say, after years of this, I have grown quite weary. (Although, I do have to admit that there is a plus side. When my phone rings and the person on the other end asks for "Rebecca", I know they are most likely a telemarketer, and I tell them she is not home and ask to take a message.) Therefore, when the realization that I was going to get to change my name hit me, I was E.C.S.T.A.T.I.C. Finally, I was going to be able to simplify my name situation.

**Let me pause right here in the story to explain that my parents really didn't realize that it would be such an issue when they named me and called me by my middle name. They really had the best of intentions.**

Anyway, fast forward to the Social Security Office, where I sit down in front of the lady and hand her my paperwork. She tells me that my submission (Jennifer Reinsch Schroeder) cannot possibly be done because Jennifer is not my legal name. I explain (probably with a little hysteria in my voice) that Jennifer is indeed my name. It is on my birth certificate. It is what I am called. She says that she doesn't care what I am called, it is not my name. To which I pull out my birth certificate and insist that IT IS my name, because it is on my birth certificate.

She was not sympathetic or understanding. She tells me I can drop Jennifer or Reinsch, but Rebecca is my legal name and so I must keep it. (Apparently, your middle name is a throwaway name that NOBODY cares about even if you have been called by this name for your entire life.)

In the end, I had to drop Reinsch, and I spent the rest of the day crestfallen. Plus, I had to explain to the husband that he had indeed NOT married "Jennifer" since she does not exist according to the U.S. government, and I wasn't really sure who he was married to.

Happily Ever After

2010-03-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

Roxanne here guest blogging for The Bride. I am pleased to report that the Happy Countdown Couple atop the blog did, indeed, make it across the daisy-strewn field to each other and kissed in public and EVERYTHING!!! They are holed up somewhere in Houston, so I have been asked to fill you in on ALL THE DETAILS. . .(don't tell Jennifer I said that--she'd kill me. . .I'm only supposed to fill you in on the details that SHE would tell you, but seeing as how I've been here since BEFORE the beginning of this grand, romantic adventure, then I've got the REAL scoop.)

Okay, Jennifer, I KID. Sort of. . .

Let me say first of all that the sun shone on our lovely bride--the groom too, but we WANT the sun to shine on a bride on her wedding day. Spring pulled out all the stops here in Houston--the grass greened up, the temperature rose to a number where Jennifer did not freeze in her dress, nor did the rest of us swelter at the outside ceremony. In a word: GORGEOUS. AND despite the unexpected road construction throwing a kink in her invitation inserted map (sort of an oxymoron as you should ALWAYS expect road construction in Houston), the guests arrived, made it across the swinging suspension bridge(s) and were serenaded by the call of peacocks before, during, and at the conclusion of the ceremony.

The minister where Jennifer works did the honors(I say all OH-fficial as if I don't know him--Hi, David), and the ceremony went off without a hitch. Except for when Jennifer sort of dropped Greg's ring. I didn't actually SEE this happen as I was trying to take photos, but I can imagine that is sort of rolled around like a quarter. It did, however, behave itself and stay on the steps of the gazebo for easy retrieval. It also provided a wonderful injection of humor AND some great photo ops.

Below are the pictures Jennifer sent me today. I took them. . .and it was nearly 200. But seeing as how I handed the memory card over to her, she left MANY out that I would have included (like a close-up of the back of her hair with all the lovely organza flowers--LOVELY), HOWEVER, this will give you a little taste of the day.

After the hair-do, we ran to Sonic for some of that cheap water of which Jennifer is so fond. (Me too.) Here is she is relaxing pre-dress. . .

. . .'cause post-dress, there is really no sitting allowed, you know. Doesn't she look GORGEOUS????? The dress she chose (as well as the accessories) suited her PERFECTLY. Just loved it all!!!!

Bouquet of multi-pink gerbera daisies. She and I both HIGHLY recommend Central Market for all your flower needs. They were VERY nice to her when some of the flowers weren't so great and brought some over post-haste PLUS there were only THREE out of about 185 that I wasn't able to use for SOMETHING.

The Man. Very handsome and coordinated--with her chosen color of pink I mean--though I do not doubt Greg's dexterity AT ALL. *HE* didn't drop Jennifer's ring.

Jennifer and Dad--he gave a great, little "hand-over" speech--very, very touching and funny.

No words to describe this one. . .if you've been there, then you don't need an explanation.

This is the part where David said, "Jennifer, do you have a ring to DROP for Greg?" and Jennifer said, "Why, yes. Yes I DO!!!" Then she dropped it. I know--I'm giving her a hard time. To be fair, his ring is actually bigger than any of Jennifer's fingers including her thumb, SO it was kind of hard to keep it put. She had it in her bouquet hand so as to clutch it with the flowers, but once she handed her bouquet to her niece, there was no clutching of the ring anymore. It really was a GREAT moment. . .and no one laughed harder than the bride.

Mr. & Mrs.

Emma, the daughter of David-the-Minister, made the groom's cake, and let me TELL YOU, it was a sight to behold and a delicacy to taste. Her ganache was TO DIE FOR, and the girl is only 11 1/2. Really, really pretty and delish! Way to go, Emma!!!! Cute dress too.

Jen's cake. . .bedecked with flowers and topped with some Vegan cupcakes.

Table arrangements and favors. . .

The Carriage--TASTEFULLY decorated, though I hear tell it was a different story on the inside of the car. There WERE children present, so we truly appreciated the restraint of the decorator's. Thanks, guys.

It was a beautiful, beautiful day. Once Jennifer is out of that daisy-strewn field, she will I'm sure, have more comments AND more photos. There were two REAL photographers there as well, and I believe you can view their photos online at the end of March--details from the bride.

Congratulations, you two. Everyone who loves you--and even all those ladies at the salon who don't know you from Adam--are thrilled that God brought you together.

Now. Go get busy living happily ever after.

Do You Know How I Can Tell???

2010-03-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

Well, the wedding is almost here. Do you know how I can tell? The boy and girl at the top of my blog header who have been running AT each other for awhile now are now almost touching. That means the wedding will happen any day now. To which I say, "Woohoo!"

There have been wedding preparation bumps, but nothing major.

My "to do" list has grown exponentially in the past 4 days.

I am still not certain of the "coldness" factor on Saturday morning, so I have a plan and a back-up plan.

I have finally purchased renter's insurance (I never had nice things that needed "insuring" before my wedding showers).

All in all, things are falling into place.

Last Saturday, one of my friends took the fiance and my picture for our church website and directory, and it kind of acted as an "engagement" picture. Here are a couple of those (I need to pre-apologize to all you facebook readers of my blog who have already seen these pictures posted on FB). The first one is a candid shot that we didn't realize she was taking, and it has become my favorite picture. The second one is the "official" photo since I am not allowed to keep the photo of me in the parrot costume as my "family" photo anymore.

Where Is Spring???

2010-03-03T06:33:00.000-08:00

Where is spring? Hello, Mr. Weatherman. It is March in Houston, Texas. It should have been in the upper 70s/lower 80s for the past 2 weeks. Instead, we have hovered through the 50s and slightly into the 60s.

While some may love this weather, I am not currently a fan. You see, I planned a springtime in Houston OUTDOOR wedding, and right now, the outdoors are not seeming so appealing. Forget the fact that the flowers aren't blooming because of the cold, and Mother Nature was supposed to be my main source of wedding decor. I have gotten over that. What I am struggling with, however, is that I am an incredibly cold-natured person in general, and the thought of traipsing around the a garden in a springy organza dress (sans sleeves) already has me shivering.

Therefore, I have decided to take matters into my own hands and start devising a back-up plan for the cold. After searching our wonderdul world wide web, I have come up with some options.

Option 1: The Mid Length Cape. Yes, it looks a little more winter wonderland rather than March wedding, but I would be warm, and if I was having a bad hair day, I could cover up the hairdo with the hoodie.

Option #2: The Fur Muff. My hands get cold faster than anything, and usually if my hands are warm, I am feeling fairly okay. So, rather than bring out the fur cape as suggested in option 1, I could go for the smaller fur muff and insure nice, toasty hands. The one problem with this option is the question of where would my flowers go since my hands would be inside the muff.

Option #3: The Fur-Trimmed Anorak. Now, I think this is actually a good option because first off, it is trimmed with fur, and so that automatically gives it a "fancy" look. Secondly (and you can't see this very well), it has a cool pattern on it, and so I think I could pull of the "hip bride" vibe if I chose to wore it. Thirdly, fur is EXPENSIVE, and puffy anoraks are not. So, it would be a nice cheap option, and since I was giddy over my marriage coupon, I would probably be giddy over this bargain.

Option #4: The Denim Jacket. Okay, so you knew that had to be an option. After yesterday's ode, one can never count out the versatility of the denim jacket. However, if that seems a little understated for most, then I have one more option for you.

Option #5: The WHITE Denim Jacket. It is the best of both worlds (sorry for the Hannah Montana reference). I get to wear a coveted denim jacket, and it at least kind of looks "weddingy" because it is white.

I am not completely sure what I am going to do even though these are all pretty good options. Maybe I'll just have someone follow me around with a battery operated space heater.

O Denim Jacket, How I Love Thee

2010-03-02T13:09:00.001-08:00

Yes, you read that correctly. This is a quasi "ode" to the denim jacket. Anyone who has seen me every Sunday for the past 3 years has probably realized by now that I'm a little "denim jacket obsessed". I wear one every single Sunday with whatever outfit I have on. Now, lest you think I just throw on my denim all willy-nilly, let me assure you that I do not buy a Sunday outfit unless it coordinates with my jeaned jacket.

I had a shower this past Sunday at the fiance's church. Guess what I wore...a darling new dress and my denim jacket. (pictured below--the friend who introduced us, me, and the fiance)

I had a shower a few weeks ago at my congregation. Guess what I wore...a black skirt, a cute top, and the denim jacket.

The fiance and I are having to have our picture made for the church website and directory. Guess what I am wearing...you guessed it...some sort of clothing topped off with a denim jacket. It has become my staple, my security blanket, and to those who think it might be too hot to wear it in the summer, I simply assure them that that is what air conditioning is for.

In less than 2 weeks at the wedding--the outside wedding--it is looking as if the temperatures are going to be in the mid 60's. I had someone ask me yesterday if I would wear the denim jacket with my wedding dress to stay warm. I just might. It's classic and goes with EVERYTHING.

I Don't Want Bunnies & Chickens & Ducks

2010-02-24T06:46:00.000-08:00

Well, the wedding is less than 3 weeks and more than 2 weeks away, and there doesn't seem to be enough time in each day to get things done (and by things, I mean both wedding AND work things).

The current wedding "thing" that is wreaking havoc is the wedding favor (yes, I realize how dumb that sounds). I really didn't like my original plan, and so I set out in search of a new plan...a better plan...a plan that involves various shades of pink.

This "new plan" can at least use some of the "old plan" items (i.e. the Valentine's M&M's that I purchased), but it also needs additional candies (yes, family members, I will be sugaring you up at the wedding). So, on Monday after work, I went in search for any remaining Valentine's M&M's that might be lining the shelves of our local discount stores (yes, I realize that Monday was over a week past Valentine's Day, but I was holding out hope that there might still be some out there).

My back up plan, if the M&M search proved fruitless, was to look at Easter colored candy, because I could pick out certain shades and use only those candies (did I mention that this new plan involves picking out all of the red M&M's out the current Valentine's packs). But, all the Easter candy now has bunnies and chickens and ducks on it. And while I realize I am from East Texas and there is a good bit of "backwoods" to my general persona, even I do not want farm animals on my wedding favors. So, those were out.

I went to store after store after store looking for the perfect candy, and my overall mood became crabbier the longer I looked (this can be verified by the sales clerk at Target...I think I owe her an apology). When I was about to run out of gas on the bad side of town, I took that as a sign that it was time to give up and call it a night.

The search was not over, though. The fiance joined in on Tuesday. After taking careful notes of exactly what I was looking for, he went to 6 or 7 different stores in his neck of the woods and finally located numerous bags of a chocolate candy (from a different holiday season) that would work (after sorting out one of the colors, of course). Jackpot!

I have since added one more extra special candy to the mix, and I am now ready to turn the plethora of sweets over to my dear friend who is using child labor (her daughter) to help put all of the treats together. When all is said and done, we will have baggie after baggie of unusable red M&M's leftover, but really cute wedding favors (and isn't that the important thing).

Nothing Says Neverending Love Like a Coupon

2010-02-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

So, as I was on my way home this afternoon, I was visiting with one of my friends on the phone, and I happened to mention something to her that sent her into a fit of laughter. After composing herself, she asserted that this really should go on the blog.

So, here it goes...

The fiance and I did our pre-marital counseling through our preacher at church. We chose to do this for a variety of reasons. What we did not realize at the time was that there was a greater, more cost-effective benefit to doing this.

You see, our church is part of a program called Twogether Texas. The idea of this program is that if couples go through a pre-marital counseling program prior to marriage, the state of Texas will give them a discount on their marriage license. That's right, folks, it is a full-fledged marrige coupon (and a pretty good coupon at that).

So, we completed this counseling, and the fiance and I are now the proud recipients of our very own marriage discount, because nothing says neverending love like a coupon.

Swimming in a Sea of Ribbons

2010-02-08T16:41:00.001-08:00

Over the past two days, I have been swimming in a sea of ribbons. Some wonderful ladies from church threw me a wedding shower last night, and then this morning my fellow children's ministry ladies (and man) threw me a surprise shower at our monthly meeting. As much as I do not like being the "center of attention", the showers were both absolutely wonderful and I feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by all of these people.

I have included some pictures (complete with "captioning").

These are the hostesses of my church shower. Getting everyone into the room to take a picture turned out to be a pretty big feat.

I am not a fan of pictures. So, this was me trying to hide as pictures were being snapped. I apparently overestimated the "coverage" that my jacket would provide. Also, please notice the plate of Oreos and the bowl of peanut butter. Those are the best shower foods EVER.

We are having Gerbera Daisies at the wedding, and so these were two of the flower arrangements done for the shower.

This picture is just cute. It is of my friend Roxanne's daughter (on the right) and my friend Jacinda's daughter (on the left).

This next picture is from my shower this morning. Those are my fellow CM peeps. Bless, Dustin's heart. He always gets thrown into a sea of ladies.

And finally, this is my friend Roxanne. This is the person who introduced the fiance and me (yes, I owe her BIG TIME). Even though she lives about an hour north of where I live, she and her daughter were able to come to the shower. If you notice, we have both moved to our "fake smile" part of the day.

Catch-Up

2010-02-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, the purpose of this blog post is to play catch-up. I haven't posted in a little over a week, and because of that I was chided by someone at church for falling behind on my posting. So, here is a quick recap since I last posted.

1. I am getting married in 5 1/2 weeks. Woohoo!

2. I drove around today with 12 glass vases in my backseat floorboard. I am afraid to look and see if any of them are broken.

3. I have purchased 6 large waters from Sonic for a grand total of $1.92 ($0.30 each plus tax).

4. I finally had the inside of my car cleaned (it was filthy), and numerous people have commented on it. That worries me slightly.

5. In last Wednesday night's 1st and 2nd grade class, we glittered. We didn't just sprinkle a little sparkly on some glue we G.L.I.T.T.E.R.E.D. on piles of glue, and I then sent everything home with parents.

6. As my friend Melanie and I were walking one morning, we passed by a man sitting in the driver's seat of his truck playing a ukelele.

7. I fell in the church parking lot. Only my pride was hurt (and the car I slung myself across as I came crashing to the ground).

8. I asked a rude sales person if I was annoying him by trying to purchase something from him.

There you have it. There is my "little over a week" recap. I realize it wasn't terribly interesting, so I will try to carry a notepad with me this week so that I can jot down all the things that happen, and hopefully the next post will be more entertaining.

Does This Concern Anyone Else?

2010-01-26T10:17:00.001-08:00

As I have continued along in my wedding planning, certain ideas or thoughts on how I was going to do something have had to change. I know this is typical, and as much as I claimed that NONE of my ideas would change, I must sheepishly own up to the fac that I was wrong. Yes, indeed, I have had to change a few plans.

With that being said, I have begun scouring the internet in search of "budget-friendly" (a.k.a. cheap) solutions to certain situations. In one of these searches, I discovered something most unusual. I discovered that you can purchase your wedding reception centerpieces from Oriental Trading Company. Yes, I am completely serious.

For those unfamiliar with the world of the OTC, this company specializes in uber-cheap crafts, kid toys, party favors, workroom supplies, etc. The key word in that sentence is uber-cheap. Also, I don't think you noticed anywhere in my description the word "wedding". Oriental Trading Company is not known for its elegant wedding franchise. In fact, they are known for their VBS supplies. I generally order hundreds of dollars of stuff from them each summer for various kids activities. So, to find out that I could purchase all the centerpieces I wanted and get free shipping on orders of $75 or more actually concerned me. Am I wrong? Does this concern anyone else?

After looking at their selection (yes, I looked at it because they are cheap), I decided that OTC was not the way for me to go. So, I will continue my search online, and I will no doubt stumble across additional pieces of information that utterly confuse me. Maybe if I search long and hard enough, I will also discover that Lowe's hardware store sells bridal shoes.

World's GREATEST Discovery

2010-01-23T06:45:00.001-08:00

So, I took a break from "all things wedding" yesterday on my day off to have lunch with a friend. It was in the process of picking up my lunch that I discovered the B.E.S.T. T.H.I.N.G. E.V.E.R. (and no, I don't think I am overstating anything). You can buy a large ice water with extra ice from Sonic for $0.30!

To say that I was overjoyed in making that revelation is an understatement. I have a love affair with Sonic ice, and I have been trying to drink way more water lately, and this combines the best of both things.

And...(and this is the cheapskate in me)...if I stop every day of the week and get one, that is only $2.10 (woohoo). Which is less than $10 a week (even bigger woohoo).

I hope this announcement has brightened your week as much as it has mine.

The 10 Most Overused Wedding Songs

2010-01-21T10:16:00.001-08:00

I laid in bed this morning for a good two hours before my alarm went off just going over various wedding-related items in my head. What should I do about this? Who can I tell about that? If it has to do with weddings, I am thinking about it.

Add on top of that all of the work-related items that I still must be concentrating diligently on, and you end up with a bride sitting in a Denny's on a Tuesday night with tears in her eyes. It really is a sad sight to behold.

However, I am M.U.C.H. calmer now. Nobody worry. I am not making any guarantees, but I seemed to have located the "good sense God gave me." (That's my shout-out to East Texas colloquialisms.)

Anyway, I went to eat lunch today with my friend Roxanne, and we started talking about wedding music. What started out as a serious conversation about songs to choose became a laugh-fest over the most overused songs in weddings. So, I thought I would share with you our list.

I have been to and in many a wedding that have pulled more than one selection off this list, and so I am fairly certain that I will offend numerous people with my ascertions. Therefore, I would like to offer a preface. These are the songs that I and I alone (well, Roxanne too) deem overused, and our opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of those around us.

Also, I am super-tempted to just make a compilation CD of all of the overplayed wedding music to use as pre-music for the wedding just because I think I would find it funny. I'll let you know what I decide.

Here is the list...

10. Evergreen by Barbara Streisand - A wedding is just not a wedding without "Babs" as part of it.

9. The Rose by Bette Midler - The same thing can be said for Bette. Whether it is The Rose or Wind Beneath My Wings, Bette has provided us with numerous wedding options.

8. Sunrise, Sunset from "Fiddler on the Roof" - The one has always struck me as odd, but it still prevails as a popular unity candlelighting song. Usually when I hear it, I have to work very hard to not purposely burst my eardrums in response.

7. One Hand, One Heart from "West Side Story" - Also an unusual choice because it is about two people who get married and then one of them dies. Not terribly joyful in my opinion.

6. Glory of Love by Peter Cetera - The title says it all, and if it didn't, the "easy listening" quality of the song makes it quite versatile.

5. I Can't Help Falling in Love with You by Elvis Presley - It's Elvis...what more can I say. Generations of teenage girls marveled at his swiveling hips.

4. Come What May from "Moulin Rouge" - Really...people choose some of their wedding music from the soundtrack of Moulin Rouge? I think that disturbs me more than the song itself.

3. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion - Celine falls into the same category as Bette and Babs. Her signature "chest thump" (ala My Heart Will Go On from Titanic) makes her an appropriately dramatic "love songstress".

2. Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by J.S. Bach - This one is for all my music friends out there (and for those that rely on pre-packaged wedding music CD's). I daresay Bach did not forsee the great popularity this piece would achieve. If he had, he would have demanded greater royalties.

1. Forever by Chris Brown - Okay, I am actually a fan of this song, but ever since the YouTube video hit the internet, this is "the song" to use, and so that is why it is included in the list. And no, it will not be a part of my wedding. If you have seen me dance, you will understand why.

She Can Stand on a Cup

2010-01-16T04:55:00.000-08:00

So, for those who have missed the recent excitement, yes, it is true, I am getting married. As all of you married folk out there know, there is M.U.C.H. to be done when it comes to planning a wedding. And while I know you guys aren't interested in all the details, after yesterday's outing of taking care of the wedding registry, I have discovered that there is a fount of material for blog posts. So, I will try to find a happy balance between droning on about wedding items and sharing the absurdity that happens our way.

As I said, the fiance and I headed out to do our Wedding Registry yesterday because there were a few little, old ladies at church that were somewhat forceful in making sure we knew the importance of getting that done IMMEDIATELY. So, rather than argue and risk being taken down by a denture-wearing, cane-toting granny, we obliged.

In one of the stores we went to (a department store) to pick out our china and other fancy items that we hope to use, the wedding consultant took great pride in demonstrating the versatility of our china. She whacked it on a table to demonstrate that if you felt so inclined, you could throw the china at the fiance and it wouldn't break. As tempting as that feature was, I really subscribe to the notion of NOT using violence when it comes to relationships (sorry, Chris Brown).

As if that was not enough of a selling point, she then grabbed one of the teacups, placed it on the floor, and stood on it. Now, I am sure that there is some sort of party trick associated with this, and if I were to try it, it would crumble and crush and disintegrate into miniscule pieces. However, she wanted us to know that if we ever needed to reach a dish (like say your fine china) on the top row of a kitchen cabinet, we too could grab a 4-inch teacup and use it as a step ladder.

As odd as a couple of these actions were to me, she really was a wonderful sales person to work with, because as soon as I saw the WORLD'S UGLIEST FLATWARE and asked if I could take a picture of it (of course, who wouldn't do that), she lifted the cover on the case so that I could get a better picture.

Below you see said flatware. Yes, it is "fish" flatware. The spoons have a little notch to represent the "fish mouth" (which probably makes eating soup a little tricky) and all the pieces have a dorsal fin on them. I am quite disturbed that anyone might pay $65 a setting for sterling silver flatware shaped like a fish.

The "item of note" for the day is when we were registering at the "other" store (think more economical store), the fiance and I were getting a little silly, and so there might possibly be a "wild card" item on the registry that we put on there just to see if anyone would notice and find it as funny as we did. No, it is not something crude. Yes, it is something that is obviously a joke. And yes, if someone figures it out, I will tell you what it is.

Three Things

2010-01-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

So, I have been a little lazy with blog posting as of late. As I mentioned in my previous post, part of that is due to lack of "postable" ideas. I am still in a little bit of a "blump" (i.e. blog slump). However, three things have struck me recently that I thought I would share with you.

Number 1: I saw a man on a unicycle yesterday waiting for the crosswalk light to change colors. First off, he seemed to be struggling to stay upright. I think he was a new unicycler. My guess is that he was trying out the unicycle to see how the ladies would like his sweet new ride. If I see him again, I will take a picture.

Number 2: It is Tuesday which means it is my "Walmart circular pricematching" day. I used to do this on a regular basis on Tuesday evenings, but have recently gotten lazy. For those that don't know (and I tell EVERYONE this because it makes me so happy, so there are probably not many of you who are "out of the loop"), Walmart price-matches. What that means is you can bring in ALL OF YOUR CIRCULARS from ANY GROCERY STORE and if an item is on sale in those circulars, Walmart matches the price. It is a way to get some good prices without having to run around to lots of grocery stores.

Number 3: At this point, I can't remember what the third item was. Oh well, it probably wasn't that interesting. So, you actually only get two thoughts from me today. My guess, though, is after I make a trip to Walmart tonight, there will be PLENTY to blog about and my blump will be gone.

Not a Clue

2010-01-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

Seriously, folks, I have not a clue as to what to write. The whole "12 Days of Christmas" thing totally did me in. My brain has not been able to generate another quality thought or anecdote since then. Hopefully, something will strike me soon.

(*PAUSE*)

Speak of the devil. I just had to take a momentary pause in my blog-whining to take a sip of soda during which I began coughing which caused a spewing of said carbonated beverage onto my computer screen.

Okay, so there is your anecdote for today. If nothing more interesting begins to happen, that is what you have to look forward to for the coming year of blog posts.

1 Undeniable Sign That It Is Officially Christmas Day

2009-12-25T05:35:00.000-08:00

1. Because the date on the calendar reads December 25.

Merry Christmas to you and yours on this wonderful holiday!

2 Indications That It Is Almost Christmas

2009-12-24T04:37:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone. Christmas is almost here, and with the approach of Christmas comes a whole new brand of crazy. Everyone is scurrying around to finish last minute gift shopping and grocery shopping. The time of season that should bring about peace and joy to everyone instead encourages impatience and a penchant towards road rage. Therefore, I have resolved to find my "inner ho-ho-ho" as I survive (I mean enjoy) the last 24 hours leading up to Christmas.

With all of that being said, here is my countdown list of 2 Indications That It Is Almost Christmas.

2. The sheer volume of sweets that seem to magically appear. Seriously, I don't know if this happens at anyone else's house, but in my family, boxes, tins, trays, and platters seem to materialize out of nowhere the moment Christmas seems to be upon us. My family even had to move an extra bookshelf into the dining area to help house said sweets. We have peanut patties, peanut brittle, fudge with nuts, fudge without nuts, 7 tubs of ice cream (two flavors), cupcakes, 2 banana puddings, pies, and a few other boxes-tins-trays-platters that I didn't even have a chance to open up. Christmas is definitely at our doorstep.

1. There is a line for the bathroom (and no, I am not venturing into the world of gastrointestinal issues...ick, gross). What the line indicates is that the house is full of people. I am currently out at my grandparents farm, and with everyone there, we have 30 people. And that means 30 people for 2 bathrooms. I think that ratio would have the OCIA people concerned. But it is almost Christmas, and the Christmas spirit means that it is okay to wait an uncomfortable length of time for your turn in the restroom.

Well, tomorrow brings the conclusion of my countdown list. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate and tomorrow's #1 list can go out with a bang (complete with PICTURES).

3 Reasons Not to Go to Walmart on December 22

2009-12-23T04:42:00.001-08:00

First off, I want to give a BIG thank you to my friend Roxanne for taking on the duties of the #4 Countdown List. Even though I harassed her (in the comment section of the post) about not being able to count to four and using colored fonts and using different font sizes, her post really was great, and it was so nice to just turn "the pressure of the lists" over to someone else for a day. However, now I am going to step up the quality of my posts, because she set a much higher standard than what I typically strive for or am able to achieve.

My family has a bit more traveling to do today, and so I set my alarm in preparation of completing the #3 list before we were "on the road again" (yes, I am apparently feeling the need to channel my own innner Willie Nelson, and yes, I am currently wearing a red bandana to complete that channeling).

The inspiration for this countdown post comes from the trip I took last night to Walmart. (You are welcome to openly mock me in all of my stupidity now. If I weren't so traumatized by the trip, even I would be openly mocking myself.) Anyway, as I said, I made a trip last night to Walmart to pick up a few remaining items. I guess I should also admit that I went to Walmart really late the night before too, so there has been double trauma.

However, it is time to get on to the list. Here are 3 Reasons Not to Go to Walmart on December 22.

3. I think I saw all of the people who regularly make the "People of Walmart" website all in one trip. I saw all sorts of body parts that really left a scar seared into the back of my corneas (or retinas, or whatever part of the eye helps you see). To make matters worse, most of these folks chose to exhibit their holiday spirit by incorporating Christmas colors in their "interesting" choice of clothes. I mean we all know that nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a green and red bikini top in the middle of December on a person of a rather large nature. Oh, and did I mention that the words "Merry Christmas" were on her clothing item. Take a moment to think, and you will figure out where the "Merry" and the "Christmas" were. Truly, I can just feel my Christmas Spirit diminishing.

2. If you are needing to get a last minute gift, then there is a good chance that all you will end up with is a holiday pack of Nightswept (anybody catch the reference there?) and a dented tin of flavored popcorn. So, for my family members receiving those gifts, please remember that it is the thought that counts.

1. As "unusual" as a shopping experience can be at Walmart on a regular day, that oddity quotient jumps exponentially the closer to Christmas you get. Some of the things I saw last while completing my shopping--a family playing the game Twister in the middle of the toy section; a shopping cart with 6 kids in it being pushed by "bikini lady" from point #3 above; a man loudly singing "Material Girl" (really, Madonna transcends gender and age and senility); and the entire Village People group (okay, it probably wasn't really the Village People, but they were in costume).

With all of that being said, I have finally COMPLETED my Christmas shopping--WOOHOO! Now, I am not sure what tomorrow's post will be, but I have 6 hours in a car today to figure it out, so hopefully it will come to me.

(Tardy) Guest Blogger: My Four Favorite Animated Classics of Christmas (+2)

2009-12-22T16:04:00.001-08:00

Hello, all. This is Roxanne. . .Jennifer's friend. She is headed north and west in the Grand and Glorious Empire, so she has asked me to be guest blogger today. I am VERY late with the post because I don't know if I can do her other lists justice, but I'm gonna try.

Therefore, I give you: The Four Animated Classics of Christmas (+2)

There may be more than 4 (+2) animated/claymation Christmas movies that could be named here, but these are the ones that harken back to my childhood and the huge Magnavox cabinet t.v. that got all of 2 channels (ABC and CBS). Either myself or one of my siblings served as the remote control. There were no VCR's, and 8 track tape players were still all the rage--though we didn't have one. We had one set and were at the whim of whatever "cops 'n robbers" show Daddy wanted to watch, but on Christmas special night, the t.v. was ours. Momma was normally in the kitchen making Martha Washingtons, or Millionaires, or Chex Mix, and we were on the couch in animated Christmas bliss.

So, these are The Classics according to me.

1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Who doesn't love this one? Poor little "Baby Claus" being given to Burgermeister Meisterburger--the most heinous of the claymation villians

Then, breaking away and being lost in the snow. Along come the wonderful Kringles with all of their rhyming names to the rescue.

"Well, wiggle my ears and tickle my toes. I think I see a baby's nose."

"It's more than a nose. There's a whole baby attached to it!"

"A baby what?"

"A baby Baby!!!!"

There's Topper the Penguin lost at the wrong pole, and the Winter Warlock who has always wanted a choo-choo, and lovely Jessica and the woodland wedding in the snow. Plus an all time classic Christmas song and some Fred Astaire and Mickey Rooney thrown in for good measure.

2. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Gene Autry had no idea the wonderful hero he would unleash on the world by recording "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." It's as much a part of Christmas as Santa. . .as are the varying versions with added lyrics. I love Burle Ives as the narrator. I love Rudolph's stuffy little voice when his dad puts mud on his nose to hide the glow. I love Mrs. Claus fussing at "Papa" because he's too skinny. I love Hermey and his obsession with dentistry. I love Clarice and her tenderness towards Rudolph.

And most of all I love Yukon Cornelius, his big booming voice, and his willingness to help tame the Bumble.

3. Frosty the Snowman

"Happy Birthday!" Classic. That and the little sproingy, bouncy noises made by the bunny as he escapes the evil magician. I remember as a child disolving into tears right along with Karen when we first see Frosty in his puddle state.

And who really ever gets all the words to the song right? Is it "jolly, happy soul" or "happy, jolly soul" or. . .everyone just seems to fall into a sustained hum at some point.

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas

There are no words I can say that will adequately do justice to your own memories of this classic. So, I let the images speak for themselves while the soundtrack runs through your mind.

Lest I get black-balled from being guest blogger again (and since there are more than four classic animated/claymation movies), allow me to add two more.

+1 How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Obviously, Christmas gold. "You're a mean one Mr. Grinch. . ."

Seriously. Does ANY animated character get as cute and as vulnerable as this one?

Narrator: As the Grinch took the tree, as he started to shove, he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast and he saw a small Who. Little Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two. She stared at the Grinch and said...

Cindy Lou Who: Santie Claus, why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?

And this poor, poor doggie. I just want to pat him on the head and give him a nice, warm blanket.

+2 Emmet Otters Jugband Christmas

I didn't see this until I was in Jr. High, but if you've not seen this little video, let me encourage you to do so. The songs, the story, the entire thing is great--especially when there ain't no hole in the washtub.

5 Foods That Should Be a Staple of Christmas

2009-12-21T05:16:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realize that I did not post a preview for today's countodwn list at the end of yesterday's post, but that is because I had NO IDEA what I was going to write today. You see, I am from deep east Texas. Intelligence isn't naturally a part of who I am (it is due to all the inbreeding). So, doing this many posts in this short of a time period has taxed my brain substantially.

Anyway, yesterday I was standing in the youth minister's office after we had just come out of a long meeting, and I received some suggestions on the list for today. My first plan was for it to be 5 Words You Can Spell with the Letters in SANTA.

5. As
4. An
3. At
2. Sat
1. Satan

However, I thought I might receive a good bit of flack for associating the jolly bringer of Christmas goodies with the devil--even if it was meant in a truly humor-filled way.

The other suggestion I received was about food. So, without further adieu, here are 5 Foods That Should Be a Staple of Christmas.

5. Homemade Candy - Every family has different types of homemade candy they love at the holidays. My family prefers to eat fudge, Martha Washigton's (which I really don't understand while they are called that), and peanut brittle. My dentist prefers us to stick mainly with the peanut brittle because what better way to say, "Merry Christmas, and here is a boat payment for you," than by eating lots of hard, crunchy, and uber-sticky candy that is sure to form multiple cavities the moment it even goes near your mouth.

4. Store Bought Candy - You know you love a good Whitman's Sampler or a nice big Toblerone. Yes, this candy falls into the same dental category as the stuff above, but it also has an added bonus of being neatly packaged so that you can sit a box (or tube) in your lap and just eat away. All of the gyms love the store bought candy. In fact, they are in cahoots with Mr. Whitman and Mr. Toblerone to insure that after the holidays you will feel sufficiently larger thereby requiring a new gym membership as part of your "New Year's Resolution".

3. Rolls - It doesn't matter if your rolls are homemade or store bought. It is simply important to have them in a bread basket at each meal. Besides being an easy-to-eat food item for the little ones, if your Aunt Colleen starts getting mouthy with you at the dinner table, you can simply pick up a roll and throw it at her.

2. Mashed Potatoes - This food item should actually be a staple at ALL major holidays--Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Bastille Day. It is just good food. What makes mashed potatoes such a necessity is that Christmas is about family. It is about young and old coming together to celebrate the birth of Christ (nobody is allowed to point out that he was not actually born at this time of the year) and the spirit of togetherness and love. However, with such a wide age-range of people coming together, it is important to have food that everyone can eat, and mashed potatoes fits that requirement. It is soft enough for both babies and old people to gum down. Plus, you can make it as bland as you need to for those suffering from intestinal issues. Then, if throwing the rolls at Aunt Colleen doesn't work, mashed potatoes and a spoon make an excellent catapult. It is a win-win food all the way around.

1. Fruitcake - I have to admit that I have NEVER understood the appeal of fruitcake, but it seems to be available in copious amounts every holiday season. When did our dessert selection get so bad that someone thought a densely packed lump of cake stuffed with dried, candied fruits might be the best option. And the longer it sits there, the heavier it gets (really, have you picked up a block of fruitcake at the beginning of the holidays and then again at the end). I'm not sure how that happens, but I think it falls under the category of Christmas miracle. This year, I urge everyone to start replacing their fruitcakes with other, more-appetizing desserts. Or, at least cut it in to smaller pieces so that when you must pretend to enjoy some, you can wrap it into your napkin without too much notice.

Merry Christmas Week, and Happy Monday. Tomorrow's countdown list will be the 4 Joys of Christmas Ribbon.

6 Obscure Christmas Carol Lyrics

2009-12-20T08:50:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't love a good Christmas Carol? This is the only season of the year with hundreds of songs dedicated specifically it to. And each year that we are together, my grandmother distributes typed and risographed lyric sheets that she made 25 years ago of Christmas carols for us to sing as a family (this is the hootenanny side of my family).

What I have noticed over the years, though, is that because of this tradition, I seem to know way more Christmas Carols than the average person, and I even seem to know all the verses that go along with these carols. Therefore, that was the inspiration for this countdown list--6 Obscure Christmas Carol Lyrics.

Now, unlike the other posts, this one is a quiz. I am curious as to how many of you can figure out what carol each of these come from. And please no googling...I know that trick. I have done it before. Also, I think you will notice "why" these verses or lyrics aren't typically sung in general society anymore.

SONGS:
6. Come Desire of Nations come,
Fix in us thy humble home.
Rise, the woman's conquering Seed,
Bruise in us the serpent's head.
Adam's likeness now efface
Stamp thine image in its place

5. Hither, page, and stand by me.
If thou know it telling:
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?
Sire, he lives a good league
Hence,underneath the mountain,
Right against the forest fence
By Saint Agnes fountain.

4. A day or two ago,
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright,
was seated by my side;
The horse was lean and lank,
misfortune seemed his lot;
He got into a drifted bank
and we got upsot.

3. Johnny wants a pair of skates;
Susy wants a dolly;
Nellie wants a story book;
She thinks dolls are folly;
As for me, my little brain
Isn't very bright;
Choose for me, old Santa Claus,
What you think is right.

2. Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer.

1. Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

ANSWERS:
6. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
5. Good King Wenceslas
4. Jingle Bells
3. Jolly Old St. Nicholas
2. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

7 Ways to Survive the Holidays

2009-12-19T10:39:00.000-08:00

Well, folks, I am a little later getting this post written than I intended, but I have not forgotten about it. Now that I have finished my Christmas shopping, my mind can focus solely on the task at hand which is 7 Ways to Survive the Holidays.

7. Put your earbuds in, turn on your Ipod, and refuse to make contact with the outside world until December 26. When you are asked to set the table for dinner, simply point at your ears, shake your head, and mouth, "I can't hear you." Keep doing this until the requesting person walks away.

6. Pretend you are sleeping. Go into one of the back bedrooms with your portable DVD player or a book and get under the covers. Then, when you hear someone approaching the door, assume the sleep position. If anyone asks why you are so tired, explain to them that the soup kitchen is short on volunteers, and so you have been working extra shifts.

5. Embrace the craziness around you. We've all heard the phrase, "If you can't beat them, then join them." Well, this applies to Christmas too. If you have repeatedly asked the carolers to skip your house after 8pm because it might wake the kids, and yet they continue to deck your halls, then join. Grab a good, old-fashioned bullhorn, and travel around the neighborhood with them singing the Christmas carols in as off-key a tune as possible. If the children or going to be disturbed, them disturb them wholeheartedly.

4. Take up residence at the movie theater. A lot of really good movies open up Christmas day. Head out to the theater as soon as you get up, and just rotate between movies until you've managed to avoid Christmas altogether.

3. Become the holiday photographer, and go crazy snapping pictures of anything and everything you see. Don't be afraid to be obtrusive. Get in your families' faces and give them photographic direction as if they were on the set of a shoot. Wear your camera around your neck and repeat this behavior everywhere you go. Pretty soon, your family will start avoiding you like the plague.

2. Don't cook a single thing for the holidays. Become the anti-Martha Stewart. Tell your family that in order to remain calm and peaceful that you need to keep your stress level down and your cholesterol up. Pick up breakfast each morning from Shipleys, then swing by McDonalds for lunch (but at least allow your family to order more than 1 item off the dollar menu), and for dinner, find an all you can eat buffet. Now, of course, Christmas dinner needs to be special, so pull out all of the leftovers from the fast-food eating, mix them all together, and call it Shepherd's Pie. Someone may need to go to the hospital after Christmas is over, but it won't be due to stress.

1. Pretend you don't speak English. Learn a few key phrases in a different, but obscure, language. Then when you are walking through the stores, and people start becoming impatient or rude simply respond to them with one of the pre-learned phrases. At checkout, if someone taps you on the shoulder and asks if they can go ahead of you because they only have 1 item, pull out a pre-learned phrase or two, and just keep repeating it at them until they leave you alone. This also works to keep well-intentioned sales clerks from making long-conversation.

Well, I hope these little tips will help your holiday go a little better. Although, I'm thinking I shouldn't have posted all of them, because now my family will know what I am up to when I pretend to be napping. Hmm...should have rethought that one.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's countdown list...6 Obscure Christmas Carol Lyrics.

8 Most Unusual Holiday Gifts

2009-12-18T06:21:00.000-08:00

When I originally envisioned this post, I was simply going to pull items from the Sharper Image catalog or the As-Seen-on-TV aisle, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had very good examples from my own family. So, here goes...

8. 40 Pound Box of Laundry Detergent - Yes, my mother is a hard person to buy for. She tends to be very practical. One year, my dad took the practicality too far. He got her a 40 pound box of laundry detergent for Christmas. He claims that he got her something nice to go with it, but NOBODY remembers that. She wasn't too pleased, and therefore got him an air filter for his car for his birthday.

7. Smelly Hammers - My grandfather gave all of his grandkids a hammer one year, and these were REALLY nice hammers. However, the rubber handle smelled awful. What most of us did not realize was that the smell would go away with use. Instead, we bathed with and washed our hammers in scented bath soap in the hopes that the smell would dissipate.

6. A Baton - Yes, I am from East Texas, and so yes, one year I desperately wanted and received a baton for Christmas (yes, a twirler's baton--East Texas is the land of feature twirlers). By the time I outgrew that baton, I had managed to give myself multiple black eyes with it and bruises on my arms and legs.

5. Hilary Clinton for President Tshirt - My dad received this tshirt from his brother one year. If I remember correctly, my dad wore it for the day and then cut it up for cleaning rags. (Can you tell how he feels about Hilary for President?)

4. Fingernail clippers - Every year (well, now it is every other year), my grandparents would put fingernail clippers in our stockings. Apparently, it is important to have 1 or 2 or 17 pairs on hand. There was finally such an overabundance of clippers in all of our houses, that we asked them to go to every other year. I've managed to lose all my pairs right now, so I am hoping this is a "clipper year".

3. Tires - A couple of years ago, Santa gave me a set of 4 tires for Christmas. It's not the most normal gift, but it was definitely the most appreciated one.

2. Those Awful Chocolate Oranges - On one side of the family (not the nail clipper side), we get those awful chocolate oranges in our stockings each year. And each year I am surprised that they are still being made, because I am sure no one in the country actually likes the taste of those things.

1. Dollar Store Items - The year that my mother REALLY discovered the world of the dollar stores (Dollar Tree, Dollar General, etc.), she did most of her Christmas shopping at those stores. To be fair, those who shop at these establishments know that at Dollar Tree, everything is $1. However, at Dollar General, everything is just cheap, and most of the items cost more than $1. I remember being amazed at the Dollar General skillet I received.

Well, Happy Friday, and I hope you are enjoying the countdown. Tomorrow's countdown list will be 7 Ways to Survive the Holidays.

9 Holiday Outfits that Should Never Be Worn

2009-12-17T09:08:00.001-08:00

Now before I begin this post, I need to offer a preface. First, I am sick today, so if parts of the post sound mild to moderately unintelligible, it is probably due to the copious amounts of Nyquil in my system. Secondly, to all of my friends who might subscribe to these fashion trends, I am sorry.

9. Holiday Sweaters - I am not talking about the beautiful red sweater you might wear around Christmastime. No, I am talking about the sweaters that have pictures woven into the garment or that have bells or snowmen's noses dangling from the garments. The only time a Holiday sweater should be worn is if you are under the age of 10 (yes, kids can pull off the cuteness of this look) or if you are going to a Tacky Sweater Party.

8. Reindeer Headbands - This is another holiday fashion trend that ONLY works on kids. If you are well past childhood, then a reindeer headband should stay far away from your head.

7. Clothing that Plays Music - Now I know that this could almost fall into the category of Holiday Sweater, but I think the electronic aspect of it really sends it into a whole other arena. There are two types of Music Clothing. The first is the motion activated clothing, and that is the closest to being acceptable. The other type is the pressure activated clothing. Maybe it is my need to maintain my dance space, but anything that requires you laying your hand upon some random person to encourage the Christmas spirit just seems a little off. My favorite was one I saw a few years ago. It was a knit shirt with 3 angels on it, and you had to activate all 3 angels. The positioning of those angels was so unfortunate.

6. Christmas Plaid (Either Skirt or Tie) - Again, this is a trend that looks absolutely darling on kids, but just a little strange on adults.

5. The Suggestive Santa Shirt - You know what I'm talking about (I am not going to explain it), but there are holiday t-shirts that have taken our jolly holiday symbol and just made it wrong.

4. Elf Shoes - Unless you are going to a costume party or a sci-fi convention, then elf shoes should not be in your repertoire. (And those of you who dress up for sci-fi conventions, please come talk to me. There are other issues you probably need to be working on.)

3. Holiday Pajamas OUTSIDE of the House - I am all for a good pair of Christmas pj's. I even have a couple of pairs myself, but those articles of clothing are meant for the privacy of your own home.

2. Holiday Undergarments OUTSIDE of the House - I realize that this one really should go without saying, but after seeing someone parade around in their holidays boxers through the mall, apparently it DOES need to be said. Underwear falls into the same category as pj's. They are meant for the privacy of your own home.

1. The "Christmas Explosion" Outfit - More than 2 holiday items on at one time, really is pushing it. A beautiful green sweater and christmas broach look festive together, but if you add the plaid headband or wooden Christmas necklace, then you have just sent things over the top. Your goal should not be to wear every Christmas thing you own all at once. Less truly is more.

Well, I hope I have not offended anyone with my holiday fashion commentary, because it truly is just my opinion. However, if I see the man walking around in his boxers again in the mall, I may just have to confront him as to why his UNDERwear has become his ALL-TO-SEE-wear.

Tomorrow's List: The 8 Most Unusual Holiday Gifts.

10 Reasons to Get Your Shopping Done Before December

2009-12-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

As my twelve days of Christmas countdown continues (although, as one of my friends pointed out, the 12 days of Christmas actually start on December 25 and go into January; I was just hoping nobody would know that), here is list #10.

10 Reasons to Get Your Shopping Done Before December

10. Obvious Reason--You save time by getting the shopping done early.

9. Crowded Stores--In December, the stores are uber-crowded with patrons, and the aisles become like the bumper car ride at an amusement park. Invariably, there is some pushing and kicking (I have only kicked someone ONCE, and I had a really good reason), but it ends up feeling more like a cattle-call than a shopping experience.

8. No Selection--Face it, people, once Black Friday has come and gone, the selection of gift items greatly diminishes. In December, the stores pull out all their extra sets of nose-hair trimmers and Sham-Wows that nobody wanted to buy and tries to pawn them off on desperate shoppers who waited until the last minute to purchase a gift for their loved one.

7. Set the Trend--If you do your shopping early, you can set the trend of "What's Hot" for that year. That way, when your child shows up to school wearing a Hannah Oregon backpack from Dollar Tree, the rest of her classmates will be sporting the same look because you spread the word about the must-have items.

6. Crowded Stores #2--No, this is not a repeat of List Item #9, this is in reference to the sales people. In December, stores hire on extra sales staff who are desperately hoping to make some extra money for the holiday season. Take for example the cosmetics area at a widely known department store. As I walked through there on Saturday, there was a line of about 14 perfume sprayers each trying to get me to buy their scent by dousing me with a spritz. When I finally made it to the end of the aisle (and stopped coughing as if I had a communicable disease) I realized that I smelled like something that should be placed in a biohazard bin. I had to go straight home and wash myself with bleach to remove the smells.

5. No Parking Spots--Once the stores get crowded, the parking lots do too, and then we all turn into parking lot stalkers. You know what I'm talking about. You see someone exit a store, and you get right behind them in your car as they walk across the parking lot. You are going all of 3 mph, and they keep looking over their shoulder at you because while they understand what you are doing, they are still a little worried that the holiday madness in you might snap at any moment. Then, if they happen to cross over a couple of aisles (thus leaving your chase fruitless) then you find yourself saying all of those words that you know you shouldn't.

4. No Salvation Army Bell Ringers--Okay, admit it. You know that sometimes you pick up your pace and refuse to make eye contact with the Red Bell Ringers, and you placate yourself by making up some sort of excuse that you give to the needy through church. And then the guilt plagues you. The Red Bell Ringers don't come out until the holiday season. So, by doing your shopping early, you alleviate a fair amount of guilt. (Preemptive add-on--before anyone gets onto me about how blessed I am and how I should be helping others, please note the sarcasm and humor with which this entire post and this specific item in particular are written. I feel I have to say that because my sense of humor doesn't always translate well.)

3. Guide Your Child's Santa List--By already purchasing their Christmas morning gifts, you can use the preceeding months to encourage them towards those specific items. For example, sit in your child's room each evening as they are asleep and quietly whisper, "You want new underwear and a bookbag from Santa," over and over. The osmosis of it will show up when they sit in Santa's lap and proclaim their undying desire for undergarments and school supplies.

2. Materialism--If your Christmas shopping has already been completed by the time the season rolls around, then you can pretend that you like to use the holiday season to remind your family about the spiritual aspect of the season and about what is truly important rather than succumbing to the materialistic nature of retail industry.

1. Wassailing--Finishing your shopping prior to December allows you plenty of time to go wassailing. (I'm not actually sure what wassailing is, but the song "Here we go a wassailing..." always sounds so cheerful, so I am sure it is fun.)

Hope your day is wonderful, and stay tuned for tomorrows Countdown list of 9 Holiday Outfits that Should Never Be Worn.

I Love Me Some Christmastime

2009-12-13T09:05:00.001-08:00

I love me some Christmastime. I always have. I enjoy getting to be with family, and I just enjoy the holiday. In honor of the season, I am going to do a "Countdown to Christmas".

Now, I have to be honest, I originally intended to do a twelve day countdown list (a la "Twelve Days of Christmas"), but I seemed to have done my math wrong, and if I were to start a twelve day countdown today, then it would end the day AFTER Christmas.

So, we are just going to pretend that I did #12, and I will start with #11.

Here, then, are my Eleven Favorite Christmas Memories.

11. The year of the Star Wars money banks. All the boys got one, and I did not. I was H.E.A.R.T.B.R.O.K.E.N. They called me for weeks after Christmas and their money banks (which played an appropriate Star Wars tune) left messages on my answering machine.

10. The year of the Whitman's Sampler. The short version of the story is that this is the year that one of the family members decided the best way to open Christmas gifts was one at a time--which is painfully awful when there are 21 people sitting in the room. So, while the adults were taking their turns each opening a gift, the grandkids ate 2 WHOLE boxes of Whitman's Samplers. That much chocolate on an empty stomach makes for an interesting day.

9. The singing of the Twelve Days of Christmas. On my mother's side, we sing Christmas carols on Christmas Eve. One of the songs we sing is of course the Twelve Days of Christmas. Aunt Patsy is always "five golden rings" and Aunt Ruth is always "a patridge in a pear tree". Here's the thing, after many decades of doing this, Aunt Ruth still can't remember her line of "...and a partridge in a pear tree," and must be cued each time.

8. Sleeping on an "air mattress". For the longest time, I was the only girl cousin on my dad's side. So, when figuring out sleeping arrangements, the boys always slept in one room together and I was made to sleep on the floor wherever there was an open space in the house (generally the kitchen). One year, though, someone bought an air mattress for me to sleep on. I was incredibly excited until I figured out it was one of those really thin swimming pool floaty mattresses. It still felt like I was sleeping on the floor.

7. The year of the grapefruits. One Christmas, one of my uncles got everyone boxes of grapefruit (which is NOT a much-loved fruit in our family). So, the grandkids spent the afternoon sneaking grapefruit out of the house and using it for target practice with my grandfather's rifle.

6. The poinsettia lights. one year, my grandparents proudly purchased new lights for their Christmas tree. They were the most awful looking poinsettia's on a string. I am still kicking myself that I didn't take those when my grandmother was getting rid of them because I do love all things ugly.

5. The ice on the overpass. Coming home from Lubbock one Christmas, I was given the privilege of driving. However, I had only had my license for less than a year. As we drove over the overpass in Post, I pointed out to my mother the overturned jeep on the other side of the road. It was at that moment that we hit a patch of ice. Once we started sliding, I chose to completely let go of the wheel, whereas my mother dived across the seat so that maybe someone would steer the car to safety. We managed to spin around and careen enough to hit all FOUR corners of the car before we slid to a stop off the road. My dad tied the bumpers (yes, plural) back on with some sort of wire, and we continued the 9 hour drive back home.

4. Mexican food. Okay, this isn't as much a story as it is a tradition. On my dad's side of the family, we eat homemade Mexican food for our Christmas meal. Yummy!

3. Mother's side of the family. On my mother's side of the family, we do our big thing on Christmas Eve with the WHOLE family--2nd, 3rd, and 4th cousins (yes, it is a regular hootenanny). Then on Christmas Day, we go to my mother's sister's house.

2. Family. I love the fact that even after all these years, both sides of the family have worked to get together for the holidays. Every other year (on both sides), we have everyone there. It's a tremendous amount of fun and VERY VERY loud.

1. Skipbo and 42. On my dad's side, we like to play games. The main two games we play are Skipbo and 42. Now, my dad's side has an interesting take on how to teach kids games. They don't do the whole "let's let the children be successful and learn the game". Oh no...they trash talk to the kids, and you know it has been a successful game if at least one player has been made to cry. With Skipbo, we all play together, but with 42, there are levels. You must first prove yourself at the "B" table before you are allowed to step within the inner-sanctum of the "A" table. And if you are seated at the "A" table, you must be ready for blood because there is a good chance your partner will throw something at you if you mess up a play. (Yes, we are a loving and caring family.)

Well, I hope you enjoyed my "11" list. Check back tomorrow for my "10 Reasons to Get All of Your Shopping Done in November."

Laminator - 17, Me - 0

2009-12-10T08:06:00.000-08:00

Yes, people, the laminator has won AGAIN. It really shouldn't be that difficult. Do you understand the seriousness of my strife? I have multiple degrees, and I still cannot for the life of me figure out how to change the film in a laminating machine.

Everytime I think I have finally figured it out, the laminator scoffs in my face.

Last night was attempt #17. I had been working on it for a good 45 minutes (with absolutely NO SUCCESS), when a kind lady came into the workroom. She saw that I was either about to cry buckets of tears or fling the laminator down a long flight of stairs, and so she intervened.

I handed her the instruction booklet (which, yes, I had been using) and all the parts that were supposed to be on the machine but I hadn't actually figured out where to put them after taking them off, and I stepped away.

In approximately 5 minutes, she had the machine back up and running. No lie. It was that quick. When she turned to me to show me that it was now working (and that she had fixed it with great ease), my first inclination was to run screaming through the building and out into traffic. But, I restrained myself.

Instead, I think I will make her speed dial #1 in my phone because I don't think I can take another laminating machine failure.

1 Hour and 16 Minutes

2009-12-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

1 hour and 16 minutes...

That is the amount of time the clock in my car is ahead. Half of the year, it is only ahead 16 minutes. Either way, I always know what time it is in my car.

This is important because in the last week or so, not one but TWO people tried to change the time, and it sent me into a hyperventilating tizzy, because all of a sudden, I had NO IDEA what time it was.

Usually, when someone new gets into my car, they stare at my clock and then me in disbelief. The first question that comes out of their mouth is, "Why?" The second thing that happens is that they then try to change the time so that it "conforms to standard concept of time."

Guess what happens third? Yep...hyperventilating tizzy.

So, I am here to tell all of you who are concerned by the fact that my car clock is an hour and 16 minutes ahead, that it is perfectly okay. It has been that way for about five years now (or technically 2 1/2 years because of the time change), and I am generally on time to places. Plus, when I have done something dumb, I can create my own "Back to the Future" moment by turning back my clock and reliving the moment more appropriately. See...it is a win-win situation.

Give Me a BIG Smile

2009-12-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

For today's post, I thought I would showcase the wonderful, artistic talents of the daughter of one of my friends. As her mother and I sat at their kitchen table on Saturday afternoon, she created this portrait for me, and I told her that I wanted to post it and show it off. So, here it is.
The thing that really strikes me about this picture is just how accurately she was able to draw it.

Eyes: Notice how one eye is looking in a slightly different place than the other. She got that EXACTLY right. Because my eyes do not look in exactly the same spot, there is a complete and total ban of anyone taking pictures of me. The few that have been snapped come out with me looking either drugged or drunk.

Hair: The hair is a cute chin length bob. Unfortunately, my current chin length bob is the result of a MAJOR hair trauma on Thursday. (I would tell you the story, but I still can't talk about it without crying. The short version is that by the end of the day on Thursday, I had had not one but TWO haircuts, and lost a substantial amount of hair.)

Cheeks: My cheeks have always been very round. When I was a little girl, and the apples of my cheeks dwarfed the rest of my face. I looked a little like one of those porcelain, creepy clown heads that you find in carnival machines.

Smile: She managed to capture my "Sunday" smile (which is an explanation for another post), and my parents will be pleased to see the lovely orthodontial work that she also represented in the picture. I'm kind of wishing my teeth were still that straight. If only I hadn't thrown away my retainer with my leftover hot pretzel in the 8th grade, my teeth might still be that perfect.

All in all, I think she did a GREAT job with the picture and definitely has a future in art. Hmm...do you think the next time Olan Mills comes to take pictures for the directory that they would just let me use this instead of an actual photograph?

Hon, Honey, Babe, Sweetie Pie...

2009-11-30T06:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know many of you have heard my thoughts on this already, but I think it warrants being said again.

If you do not know me well, and especially if you have never actually met me, then you are NOT NOT NOT allowed to call me Hon, Honey, Babe, Sweetie Pie, or any variation of those "terms of endearment."

They are called "terms of endearment" for a reason, and generally, they accompany some sort of personal relationship. Being the drive-thru person at the dry cleaners does not make you personally connected to me in any way, shape, or form that then makes "Hon" a permissable part of your vocabulary when talking to me.

And you know, it's even ickier when you have the whole "creepy old man" vibe going (but that is definitely a post for another day).

Just in case you are still uncertain as to my feelings on the matter, I have included a line graph with this post. The X-axis denotes specific people who might use terms of endearment, and the Y-axis indicates level of acceptability.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

2009-11-25T14:45:00.000-08:00

(Yes, I am singing that in my best Bing Crosby voice.)

It really is the most wonderful time of the year. It's the day before Thanksgiving and only a month until Christmas. I love the fact that during this time of the year, families come together to enjoy their many blessings. I also love that during this time of the year, people can put aside their differences and show kindness to one another. (Although, someone forgot to tell a few of the patrons at the mall that fact today.)

As much as I love this season and revel in the joy of the holidays, I do have one dark little secret lurking about that I feel compelled to share with you.

Are you ready?

(Please don't judge me.)

Okay...here it goes...I do not decorate for the holidays. Yes, you read that correctly. I don't put out centerpieces. I don't hang special towels in the bathroom. And I don't hang a wreath from my door. As bad as all of that sounds, you still haven't heard the worst of it. I don't even put up a Christmas tree. (Yes, I can hear the collective gasping sound.)

I know many of you decorate multiple rooms with multiple themes during the holiday season, and I very much enjoy looking at your decorations and remarking on their beauty. I just don't haul out any of said decorations and put them up. (The one exception being my great-grandmother's angel bells.)

So this year, as you are beginning to deck your halls with lots of holiday cheer and spirit, make the Christmas candies, and put out the presents, please keep in mind that I need to locate a tree to put my Christmas presents under, and so if you have some extra space under yours, I would be willing to rent it from you. And, if your tree has a little train that goes around the base, I will pay extra.

A Snapshot Glimpse of My Life

2009-11-10T13:32:00.000-08:00

So, earlier today, I took this picture of my office because it is very indicative of my life and my work. As most of you know, when you walk into my office, it is generally pretty messy, and while the mess stays there most of the time, I can always (well, almost always) find what I am looking forward.

Notice the Break the Ice Game. This was used at an event in September, and I still haven't managed to find a place for it.

To the left of the game, you see my computer bag and a reusable shopping bag. The shopping bag has my walking clothes in it so that I can change after work and go walking with one of my friends (I won't actually need it until Thursday, so I am apparently not doing a great job at walking regularly).

See the 3 lone, red boxes in the top center of the photo. Those are my attempt at decorating my office. Yes, that is as far as I got. Although, it is definitely further than I got with my house. All of the home decorating items are still sitting on a table waiting to be distributed.

To the right of the boxes, notice the stack of ink cartridges. Yes, I hoard those. You get $3 a cartridge in credit from Office Max. With the amount of supplies I purchase, I need every bit of credit I can get.

My book shelf is also scattered with various books and trinkets, but my favorite one is the handicapped sign because there are many days that I feel more than a bit handicapped.

Last, but not least, there is a loaf of bread in the bottom center of the photo. The husband of one of our secretaries brought me in a special loaf baked just for me this morning. Guess what I had for lunch? Yep, a peanut butter sandwich on fresh baked bread.

Can you spot Dashboard Jesus? He's next to Bobblehead Dwight.

When in Doubt, Turn Around

2009-11-09T15:58:00.000-08:00

I am still a little bit on my "I don't know what to write" kick. So, since I can't come up with anything terribly interesting, you are going to hear about how my compassal-sense (really don't think that is a word, much less a hyphenated word) failed me miserably.

As you are all well-aware, I have a pretty bad track record with getting lost. It really doesn't matter if I go to google maps, yahoo maps, AND mapquest to print out both forward and reverse directions, I STILL somehow manage to get lost. (Those who have ridden in the car with me while I am trying to follow aforementioned directions, probably don't find it terribly hard to believe this as they have also probably seen me YELLING at the different directional pages when I don't understand the directions.)

Anyway, as I was driving home the other night, it was PITCH BLACK outside (excuse-to-make-me-feel-better-about-myself #1). It had to have been at least midnight or 1am (actually, it was 8:30pm, but with the time change, it looked much, much later). I headed out of my friend's driveway and began on my way home. About 5 miles into the drive, it dawned on me that I probably should have hit my next turn by this point. However, I just assumed that because I couldn't really see where I was going, it just seemed like I had driven farther than I actually had. In fact, I was sure I had not read my odometer correctly when I checked the mileage (excuse-to-make-me-feel-better-about-myself #2). So, I drove on a little longer.

Finally, after I passed 3 or 4 things that I truly did not recognize, I thought that maybe I had turned the wrong direction when I left my friend's house. So, I turned around and was finally back on track (this was verified by finally coming to the road that I was actually supposed to turn on about 10 miles ago in the opposite direction).

When I came to the dead-end, I knew for certain where I was, and I made a lovely right-hand turn (truly, I easily passed the Bible test, but the Bible test is a story for another post), and drove for a good long while until I came to an incorporated area that I had never seen before. It was at that moment, that I thought to myself, "Hmm...did I take a wrong turn?" (Yes, feel free to openly mock me.)

As you might guess, I turned around and went in the other direction. About 30 minutes later, I had made it back to the "mistake" vicinity and was able to continue on. At this point, I really must admit that I didn't ACTUALLY KNOW where I was, I was just guessing that if the direction I had been going was wrong, then the other direction stood a good chance of being right.

Now, I know you are wondering why I did not stop and ask directions or stop and call someone to help, and I have very good reasons, too. First, I couldn't stop and ask directions I was in the middle of nowhere in rural Houston, Texas (really, stop laughing...that is not nice). Secondly, I am fairly certain that anybody I could have called was asleep by this time of night because it had taken me so long to figure out that I was lost in the first place.

Never fear, I did finally make it home, and it only took me an extra hour to make it there (that is a huge improvement in Jennifer-gets-lost world).

I Need Ideas

2009-11-05T08:50:00.001-08:00

Help, I desperately need ideas for blog posts. I just can't come up with anything. I've had LOTS of little things happen over the week, but I think they all fall into "you don't want to hear about that" category.

Here are just a few things that you WOULDN'T want to read as a full-fledged blog post.

How I caught my toenail on a chair as I was moving it and now have only 9 toenails.
The person in front of me at the HEB checkout line who decided that it was the appropriate time to pick her teeth.
The fact that I have lost my "to do" list (you have no idea how much information this list contained), and I have been frantically searching my office for it.
The adverse reaction I had to the "past due" soy milk I tried to drink for breakfast the other day.
My shopping excursion to 2 Michaels and 3 Hobby Lobbys in search of a particular type of foam.

Unless I come up with an idea soon, there is a good chance that one of the abovementioned topics will make up the content of my next blog post.

Can You Brush Your Hair Too Much?

2009-10-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

I know...it seems like an odd question to ask. Is it possible for one to brush one's hair too much?

So, I was sitting at the light today as I was heading to the county tax office (one of the many stops I had to make today in order to take care of the STUPID--yes, I said stupid--registration sticker ticket that I got a month ago). In front of me sat a school-bus yellow large truck, and inside the truck was this person ferociously brushing his/her hair.

Now, I must stop momentarily and say that I could not tell whether or not it was a him or a her, so I will not be able to make any gender-related conclusions. However, the hair was of the mulletesque style so perhaps a style-related conclusion can be drawn.

Nevertheless, I watched the person brush non-stop for a good 2 minutes, and that concerned me because 1) I don't brush my hair all that much and was beginning to wonder if I should embrace the Marsha Brady approach to hair brushing, 2) imagine how much yucky hair is being shed in that person's car over the course of a week, and 3) it was a MULLET (if you have a mullet, shouldn't you also sport a devil-may-care attitude or at least one of low-maintenance hygiene).

I think I would still be overly-concerned about this had I not passed by a motorized duck car with the door on the rear just a few minutes later. Guess that means tomorrow's post will be entitled "Should a Motorized Duck Car Really Have a Door on Its Bottom?"

Apparently I Am Common

2009-10-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

So...come to find out...I am common. You know when as a young child your mother tells you how special and unique you are? Well, I have decided that might mother must have been lying.

In the past two weeks, I have had four different people tell me that I look just like someone they know or have recently met.

When person #1 told me, I just nodded, smiled, and said, "You know, I get that a lot," (which, strangely enough, is true). Then, person #2 said something to me, and they told me that "my twin" not only LOOKED like me, but they also ACTED and SPOKE just like me. Now my first question is how many people in America grew up in East Texas, went to school in the north, lived in Russia (all of which have shaped my manner of speech and dialect) and are overly-dramatic in conversation?

I had just about recovered from the second incident, when person #3 accosted me with the information that they, too, know someone who looks just like me.

Now, for most of my life, I really have heard that I look like someone else. Apparently, the slightly quirky glasses and penchant for slogan tshirts, layered clothing, and great heels (although, not all at the same time because black strappy heels really don't mesh well with the "I'm with stupid" tshirt) are not all that unique. However, I have CLUNG DESPERATELY to the hope that my mother was right, and I am truly one of a kind.

Then, I spoke with person #4. It happened this morning as I was waiting for church to begin. As the nice lady began to tell me that I look just like one of her students, my self-worth gently starts crumbling. As always, I nod, I smile, and I respond politely. It was at this point in the conversation that she tells me the student in question is in the 4th grade.

Yes...a 4th grader.

So, I am consoling myself with the notion that while I may not be unique or special, it seems that trick-or-treating is now an option for this year.

Extra Spending Money

2009-10-22T12:56:00.001-07:00

This morning was a total brain power kind of morning. I had a couple of high-thought jobs that needed to be done. So this afternoon, I was kind of forced to focus on work that might fall more into the brainless category because my mind was spent (yes, I realize that it does not take much to get me into the "spent" category on brain power).

So, I went about shredding some things that needed to be disposed of. Before I continue, however, I should admit that I am not known for my patience in shredding. What this means is that when the shredder says it can only hold 4 sheets at a time, I like to test its ability and put more like 12 sheets in at a time. Therefore, I have broken the shredder on numerous occasions.

As I am working this afternoon, I am feeding about 8 sheets through at a time (we all know the 4 sheets max is just a suggestion), and the shredder starts making this awful noise and the motor keeps running forwards and backwards. So, I was forced to pull out the scissors (the perfect shredder-fixing tool is a pair of scissors), unplug the shredder and go to work.

What I pulled out was a mass of stuck credit card pieces (see picture above). Apparently, multiple people in the office have been using the credit card feature on the machine to destroy old cards, and the machine does not want to flaunt that feature.

Once I had all of the card pieces pulled out, the shredder now works beautifully (well, except the automatic feature has stopped working).

Now, I am thinking my next task for the afternoon is to work on piecing together all of the credit card parts that came out of the machine to create a little extra spending money for myself.

Blog List of Today (and a little yesterday)

2009-10-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

Today has been an interesting day. You know it is definitely going to fall into the interesting category when your day beings with someone telling you, "I heard a rumor about you." So rather than try to piece together the day into one long post, I am just going to list the various moments of today (and some of yesterday).

1. I regularly wear a binder clip or large paper clip in my hair to keep it out of my face. I don't do this because it is stylish or because I am trying to start a new fashion trend. I do this because binder clips and paper clips are in the drawer of my desk. Up until this point, no one has ever noticed. Today, however, multiple people have both noticed and commented. I'm thinking it is time to invest in actual hair clips.

2. I have 10 boxes in my office currently waiting to be opened. For some reason, I just do not have the desire to open any of them. I do have to admit that 1 of the boxes is open, but I have not unpacked it. Instead, I just pull out what I need as I need it and leave the box sitting in front of my desk.

3. I ate peanut butter, pineapple, and oreos for lunch today. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It really does not seem like a good idea now. I feel a little sick. It probably didn't help that I also drank a lot of water because I was feeling yucky from my lunch. Now I feel swishy and yucky.

4. I (and when I say I, I actually mean my secretary, but we really shouldn't get hung up on technicalities) managed to fix the computerized check-in system that I broke on Sunday. A big woohoo for that.

5. I have been working on background checks lately for work. When I do this, I feel the need to run a background check on myself just to see if I have happened to commit a crime I don't know about. So far, I've been clean.

6. Yesterday, when I finished my work, I took a quick trip to Galveston to ride the ferry and sit on the beach. It was one of the most relaxing things I have done in a good while. I'm hoping to move my office permanently onto the Robert Criswell Memorial Ferry. Question...do they make computer shields for seagull poop?

Yes, I Live on the Third Floor

2009-10-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

So, I think I did something not-so-smart this morning. To be fair, I was having a hurried morning (i.e. I don't know that I can be blamed for my actions). I kept dropping my blow dryer. My jeans were taking forever to dry. And, the humidity level in Houston has reached 127%, so my flat iron was having to work overtime. It was just one of those mildly frustrating mornings.

When I then spilled a glass of water all over my bathroom counter, that kind of tipped me over my breaking point. I marched into my room and flung myself on the bed. I use the word flung here to describe my action, but I should probably be truthful and explain that it was more of a flying leap rather than a fling.

(I must pause the story right here to clarify something. My bed sits on a set of those "As Seen on TV" bed risers. Unfortunately, this is important to note.)

So, as I fling myself onto my bed out of frustration, it very quickly becomes apparent that the legs on my bed were pretty near the edge of the bed risers because E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. comes crashing down. Risers on the foot-end of the bed tip over, 2 of the bed legs hit the ground, and a very loud crash resonates through the apartment complex (or at least through the two apartments below me, because yes, I live on the third floor).

Once I recovered from the shock of the collapse. I did my best attempt at being a structural engineer and determined that everything was okay. However, I can't help but think that tonight as I lay in my now structurally challenged bedroom, there may very well be a reenactment of "The Money Pit" scene where multiple floors give way to the bed.

Hmm...maybe I should sleep in my car tonight.

New Sky Mall Merchandise

2009-10-12T05:35:00.001-07:00

I realize that I have posted about the latest Sky Mall merchandise before, but yesterday while I was on the plane to Oklahoma, I noticed they had a NEW issue out (yes, that is giddiness you hear in my voice). So, I decided to peruse the catalog and share with you some of my favorite new things from Sky Mall (and P.S., some of you may be getting one or more of these items for Christmas).

1. Put away those Wii's and Xbox's. Through the Sky Mall, you can purchase a Full Size Arcade Legends Game (think Putt Putt's arcade room). Imagine the hour of joy your family will get out of a $3700 arcade game that only plays one game.

2. Do you have someone at work that won't leave you alone? Is there a pesky coworker who sits across the cubicle and makes slurping sounds when he drinks? Well, then you need the Marshmallow Shooter. Load up the Marshmallow Shooter with a bag of jumbo marshmallows and softly annoy your coworker until he quits. It's both fun for you and beneficial in the long run.

3. Many of you are closet Star Wars fan (well, except you K*****, who owns your own Darth Vadar mask and wears it in public). So, what better way to say Merry Christmas than with a Voice Activated R2-D2. It really doesn't do anything except beep and make other droid-like sounds, but if you are lonely (and my guess is that most Star Wars fans are probably lonely), then Mr. R2-D2 makes a wonderful addition to your stuffed cat collection, and he will at least beep at you.

4. Do you have wedgie issues (no, not that type of wedgie)? Does your pant leg get tucked under your heel when you wear sling back shoes? Well, then you should invest in the Pants Un-Heeled. It keeps you from experiencing the annoying pant/heel wedgie. Plus for those of you with more than 2 legs, you can buy 6 Pants Un-Heeled for a discounted rate.

5. If you are a fan of museum-life, then I have got the best gift for you. You need the King Tut Life-Sized Sarcophagus Cabinet, because nothing says classy home decor like a mummy coffin. If you would like to continue that style throughout your house, then Sky Mall also sells a life-sized replica of King Tutankhamen's Egyptian Throne Chair. You could get a set of 8 for your dining room, and then everyone would have the joy of feeling like a dead king.

Those are just a few of the new offerings from Sky Mall. If you are interested in checking them out on your own, then they now have an Iphone App for the Sky Mall and gift cards available.

I'm not meaning to spoil the suprise of Christmas, but I have just ordered a couple of Rock Lamps, a large Cannon Residental Safe, and four Shirtpocket Underwater Cameras. Look for those items in your stockings.

Toasty Warm with the IRS

2009-10-09T16:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, fellow Houstonites, I realize that the current 66 degree weather is not bordering on hypothermic. However, for someone who stays cold most of the times, it is positively nippy outside.

In fact, after running errands and doing a little work on my day off in a short sleeve shirt, I came home feeling miserably cold. So, I did the smart thing and put on flannel pajama pants, a sweatshirt, and turned on my heater. Now, before you start rolling your eyes and calling me names that emphasize my wimp-ish qualities, keep in mind that that is not very nice (and I will tell my mama on you).

Anyway, back to the story.

I turned on my heater. Now, for those that know me well, you know that is a big deal. I do not like to spend money on things like electricity, water, food (no, shoes do not fall into the "don't like to spend money on" category because they are necessities). Therefore, I really work to save my money. I don't turn on my air conditioner unless I am going to have company or straighten my hair, (Yes, I am actually serious about that one. My chi gives off major amounts of heat and could double as a space heater.) and I am generally excited to see what my electric bill is most months.

All of that "saving money" got me in trouble, though, this last year. Apparently, the IRS does not like you to save money, and all of those savings ended up costing me much money (I'm guessing it cost me more than if I had just turned on my air conditioner in the first place).

So, as we launch into winter (or what feels like winter in my reality), I am going to be toasty warm with the IRS because I am going to use my heater and just have a devil-may-care attitude about my electric bill. You know, I might even decide to run my dishwasher when it is only half-full and be just as flippant with my water bill.

I feeling a little emboldened. Who knows what will be next.

What a Day

2009-10-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

So, I actually have a few things that come to mind in considering what to blog about, but I would have to be too cryptic in my description/discussion of these items, and my level of crypticivity (yeah, not a word, but it sounded good to me) is non-existent this evening. So, you will be treated to a recap of my day (complete with gun toting, teeth missing Texans).

This morning two others and I set out to do a survey trip for one of our activities. We had two places on the agenda to visit and decided to make the trip in one of the ladies brand new car.

The first half of the day went very smoothly. Really, there were no problems at all, and we were feeling good about ourselves and our ability to accomplish our tasks for the day. (Boy, did we speak to soon.)

As we were heading to our second destination with the help of the car's navigation system, we traveled into the world of navigation system purgatory. Had we been smart or even the tiniest bit savvy, we would have turned the car around immediately. Instead...this is what happened (presented in bullet form because each problem was significant enough to merit its own grammatical emphasis).

We were sent down a road that had no pavement (entirely dirt) and no outlet. Yes, our progress was stopped by a huge mud puddle and fence.
We then ended up going 17 miles in the wrong direction.
When Mr. Onstar (the nice man we visited through the navigation system) tried to help us find our way, we all three wanted him to stay on the line with us in case tears started flowing.
Once we were traveling down the proper path, we were met head on by a very large backhoe working on said road. Backhoe then forced us onto the left-hand side of the road where we remained for multiple miles.
Next road we were to turn on had a road closed sign posted at its entrance.
When we passed a car that we were able to flag down for help, one of us asked him what all was out this way, and he laughed. That laughter either indicated that we had stumbled upon the largest moonshine production area in Texas or a scene from Deliverance.
We also managed to locate Bela Karolyi's exclusive training facility and encampment. Still not sure how we stumbled upon that.
Were finally able to eat lunch around 3pm at a gas station. Our other option was the Pic and Pay (I am so not making that up; nor did I misspell "Pic").

After having spent the majority of the evening slightly nauseated, I am now thinking the Pic and Pay might have been the better food option.

Writing Inspiration

2009-10-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

So, I have been pretty busy as of late, and this week is especially flurried with activity. You would think with so much going on, that I would have plenty of blog material to choose from. Well, apparently not. I cannot come up with anything.

So, as I typically do when I have nothing to write, I will present you with a list. This list is the top 10 things that currently make me laugh pretty hard.

1. The "Budget Casket" store I pass by fairly often. This is funny to me because my mother desperately hopes to be a crash test dummy when she is no longer with us (yes, it is morbid, but that is what she told us), and I am thinking that the "Budget Casket" store offers her a few more options.

2. When my dear, sweet friend who shall remain nameless tells me to put on my big girl panties and get over something. Yes, it generally makes me laugh because of the imagery associated with the thought.

3. Bright green fanny packs and Coach, gold trimmed, high-top sneakers. Yes, I saw both of those items on a couple of ladies in the mall the other day.

4. The words Happy Birthday and dumptruck as said by a couple of my favorite special needs kids in specific context. Ask me to tell you the story sometime if you want a good laugh.

5. When my niece dressed up for nerd day at school this past week, the majority of her outfit came from my father's closet (including the bright orange Hawaiian shirt).

6. That I still go "ice skating" through the grocery store in flip flops and a grocery cart. If you've done it, you know exactly what I am talking about.

7. That all my change smells like pickles because I didn't clean out my change jar (an old pickle jar) well enough before I started using it, and now cashiers generally sniff my money before they put it in the cash register.

8. The show "I Love Lucy". Favorite show of all time. ALWAYS makes me laugh.

9. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

10. Tama's description of a conference her group recently sang at (Tama et al., I have told and retold those stories to a whole lot of people).

An Actual Pumpkin Story

2009-09-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, I realize that I have written long, lilting posts on the wonderment (is that really a word) that is the pumpkin, and yes, this post will be slightly similar. However, this time, instead of talking about how wonderful pumpkins are, I actually have my own real, live pumpkin story to tell.

Since we have hit this beautiful time of year called fall (although the weather did not seem to get the "fall memo"), I have been entranced once again by all things pumpkin.

I pass by a Starbucks and think how wonderful a pumpkin latte might be even though I actually cannot stand the taste of coffee. I venture into Bed, Bath, and Beyond and stand for hours smelling the glorious pumpkin scented candles until the manager runs me out (yes, unfortunately that is true). You get the picture...I loobloo (russian word for love) pumpkins.

So, the other day on my facebook status, I mentioned that I would like to make some pumpkin ravioli, but I wasn't entirely certain how to cook a pumpkin (this was inspired by an insomnial night watching Iron Chef America on Fancast). I received a bevy of responses on how might be the best way to do this. One of the mothers from church left detailed instructions on the proper way to do just this, and after reading her instructions, I actually felt moderately capable of handling the task (yes, I know that is called being delusional, but we are in my world now). However, because of the busyness of my week and weekend, I didn't have a chance to try.

Then, yesterday morning at church, I am standing at my normal post (probably leaning against the wall, because on Sunday mornings, I seem to be short on energy and need the wall to keep me vertical), and up walks the dad and daughter from this family. You would not believe what the daughter was carrying.

Yes, it was a P.U.M.P.K.I.N. Oh. My. Goodness. Extreme giddiness overtook me, and I became the happiest person in the whole world (quite literally), because have I mentioned how much I love all things pumpkin?

So, I am now prepared with the proper information, a recipe, and the most beautiful looking pumpkin you have ever seen (seriously, people, if I had a camera at home, I would take a picture of it and frame it on my desk), and tonight for dinner, I will indeed be making pumpkin ravioli.

My Thumbs Are Faster than a Speeding Bullet

2009-09-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. And no, I am not bragging. My thumbs really are faster than a speeding bullet.

Over the past few years as I have honed my texting skills, my thumbs have picked up quite a bit of speed and agility. I can reply back to a "Whatcha doin" with a multiple word answer faster than a Black Friday mad-dash to the electronics section.

Now granted, these fast thumbs of mine are now twice the size of my other fingers (in a strangely muscular way), but this skill really has served me well because I have been able to apply it to my Itouch. On days that I would rather not take my laptop home, I am still able to check my email, catch up with friends, and get a little work done from the comfort of my own home. Plus, the touch screen keys are set up in a very similar manner to my phone, and so I am able to do all of those things quickly.

Here's where the problem lies in all of that. Sometimes my thumbs move so quickly that an injury occurs (no, not a thumb injury because that would be just silly and a little embarrassing). Instead, I am talking about a face injury.

You see, last night I was lying in bed emailing one of my friends and my thumbs got to moving not just fast but super-duper fast, and the Itouch began to slip from my grasp. I should probably take this moment to explain that I was laying on my back holding the Itouch above my face. Are you seeing where this is going?

Yes, indeed, the Itouch slipped from my grasp and whacked me on the bridge of my nose. It. Hurt. It hurt so much my eyes teared up just a bit.

So, I felt it pertinent to take this moment to issue a word of caution to all of you out there who also have lightning-fast thumbs (and tend to lie in bed with a mobile or email device suspended above your face). Do not get careless with the power of your thumbs because you could be chatting with a friend one minute and having to nurse a black eye or busted lip the next.

Please, people, be respectful of the thumbs.

Interesting Diatribe

2009-09-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

So, earlier today, I read an interesting diatribe on the use of the colon right parentheses. You know what I am talking about--the :).

I am so not a big fan of emoticons (or fake emoticons) in general probably because I don't "read between the lines" very well. I expect that what you say is actually what you mean. If you tell me, "Great job on the speech you gave. :)" Then I read that as you really think I did a great job. If I know I really didn't do such a good job, then I also will think that you are not terribly bright for not recognizing that fact. Problem is (as the author of the above diatribe rightly states) that when one puts a ":)" within a text or email message, it means that text or email probably wasn't meant to be very nice to begin with.

With that being said, I have a friend who is emoticon-happy. She loves using emoticons. However, she is also a very kind person and does not typically utilize sarcasm as a major speech tool. So, when she emoticons in a text to me, I completely understand what she is saying, but with most, that is not the case (again, it goes back to that whole "reading between the lines" thing).

So, note to everyone out there, I will no longer recognize emoticons as a valid form of communication (unless, of course, you have been grandfathered in; I have that list available for those who need to see it). If you want to tell me that I am stupid, please simply type, "You are stupid." Resist the urge to include the ":)" or the ":(" or the ";)" because I simply won't understand what you mean, and I will spend the next hour reciting your message with the included smile, frown, or wink to dissect it's meaning.

People, I really don't have that kind of time. :)

I Guess I Have to Admit It Was My Fault

2009-09-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't blogged recently because I have been busy and a little under the weather, but also because I couldn't really think of anything to write...UNTIL THIS EVENING.

I ran to the store late this afternoon, and on my way home, I was talking on the phone. As I am driving down the road, I see a policeman passing me going the other direction. Now I must pause momentarily and assure you I was most definitely not speeding, not even a tiny little bit.

Needless to say, I was very much surprised when I saw the policeman whip around and turn on his lights. I signaled to turn on my street, and he followed me with lights still flashing.

Oh. My. Goodness.

I quickly hung up the phone and pulled over to the side of the road, and the policeman pulled up behind me.

I roll down the window to wait for the policeman, and I start digging through my glove compartment trying to find my insurance card (note to self, clean out the glove compartment because insurance cards form 2007 do you no good). When the policemen walks up to the car he tells me that my registration sticker is expired. To which I reply, "Ooh, ooh, ooh, I have my new one."

You see, when my new registration sticker came in the mail, I couldn't get the sticker off my windshield, so I put it in my purse to wait for the next time my dad came to visit so that he could change out my sticker.

Well, when I explained that to the policeman, he didn't seem to think that that was a reasonable explanation for why I was driving around with an expired registration sticker. I'm not really sure why, because it sounded reasonable to me.

So, I have to get my sticker changed out within 10 days, and I can get the ticket dismissed. I guess I have to admit that it really was my fault. (Note to self, invite parents for a visit about this time next year so my dad can change out my sticker.)

I Should Have Listened More Closely

2009-09-09T13:11:00.000-07:00

I set out pretty early this morning to head back to Houston from Dallas. My plan was to get back to Houston early enough that I could get a good bit of work done before church this evening.

Unfortunately, the atmosphere did not agree with my plan.

About 1 1/2 hours from Houston it started pouring...major P.O.U.R.I.N.G. I did all the proper car things of turning on my lights, turning both my front and back windshield wipers on, and slowing down. However, it was still really hard to see what was in front of me.

So, I resumed "old lady pose" (i.e. hands gripping the wheel, face as close to the glass as possible) to try to make driving a little easier. But it was still really hard to see. It was so dark outside, and the rain was coming down in sheets. It was then that I noticed my sunglasses...which were still on my face. Apparently, I had neglected to realize that I was still wearing my sunglasses. So, once I pulled them off, it was instantly lighter.

I then relaxed into the "not quite as old lady pose" and continued on my way.

Numerous big bolts of lightning flashed through the sky. They were a little too huge and bright for my comfort level (I thought about putting my sunglasses back on). I was a little worried that my car might be struck by lightning. I thought back to 8th grade Earth Science and tried to remember what my teacher said about lightning. Apparently, I didn't listen well in class, because I really had no idea what my teacher had said about where lightning would strike.

Needless to say, I readied myself to become a stunt driver and avoid any streaks of electrical current that might possibly make contact with my vehicle.

As one might expect, I got back to Houston without incident, but apparently our building was not so lucky, because I walked into an office area scattered with trashcans and missing ceiling tiles. The roof seems to have a leak or two or thirty in it. Currently, our nice copy machine is pulled out from the wall and covered with garbage bags.

Maybe this is the perfect excuse to make copies. I can get up under the garbage bags and no one will find me. Then I can take a nap snuggled up to the warmth of the Ikon.

Hanging with the 'Rents

2009-09-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

So, I am "living up" my little mini-vacation, and by "living up" I mean staying with the family and hanging out with my Dallas peeps. Because vacations are always more exciting than regular, everyday life, I thought I would share a little of what I have done so far.

1. Visited a lemonade stand for charity. It was a group of middle school girls from my old church that were trying to raise money for the Bethany Girls Home in India. They raised almost $400 with their lemonade stand yesterday afternoon.

2. I have checked and rechecked my niece's vocabulary and reading homework. Can I just say, "Ugh!" This wasn't just quick checking of homework, this was "I had to read the required reading passages to be able to see if the answers on her homework were correct." Again, I say, "Ugh!"

3. We did a family dinner last night at Carino's. Food was yummy, but the service was slow, so we had plenty of time to visit and discover an overabundance of the use of air quotes in our general family conversation. We must reign those air quotes in.

4. Tonight I get to head out with some friends just to hang. This evening's acitivites will probably include dinner at Potbelly's which has the world's BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich (and yes, I do regularly go to restaurants and order PBJ sandwiches).

5. In the meantime, I am needing to kill a little bit of time today before I head out, so I have pulled out the laptop located the first few seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on hulu and have been watching it all morning. I would like to maintain that that is perfectly acceptable vacation behavior, and that I should not be embarrassed in the least by that. In fact, if I had a few extra days of vacation, I might also locate the first few seasons of Dawson's Creek and remember the days of teen agnst along with the vampire slaying.

Oh well...I head back to Houston tomorrow. So, I am going to embrace my vacation behavior just a little bit longer before I have to go back to the real world.

Googling Thoughts

2009-09-07T07:12:00.001-07:00

I have been up since about 5:30 this morning.

Yes, I know it is a holiday. My mind is fully aware of that, but my body seems to have neglected that piece of information. So, sleeping in was not really an option this morning.

To help pass the time while the rest of the house was asleep, I played around on my computer. One of my favorite things to do when I am bored is to just google random questions/thoughts/interests/etc online to see what I can learn about those topics. So, here is a smattering (that's my new favorite word) of what I googled.

**I have grand visions of riding a bike to and from work each day. I don't live that far from my work, and so it seems like a viable option. So, in my "bordeom googling" I mapquested exactly how far it was from my house to my work, and I also looked at various bikes (the Madsen bucket bike is my favorite, but my pocketbook will not open and let me purchase one). However, I should probably mention that I broke my arm one summer in college riding my bike from campus to my apartment when I crashed and tried not to land on my already broken other arm.

**The idea of canning fascinates me. I have even checked a few books out of the library on canning just so I can learn more about it. The sites I read this morning suggested starting with vegetables because of the high acid content. I wonder if I could dedicate a day to making my own soap, canning my own vegetables, and making some homemade bread? Then I could sit on the side of the road and sell my goods like a traveling merchant.

**Squeaking brakes...right now the brakes are squeaking on my car. I asked my dad if he could just oil them, but apparently if you oil the brakes then not only do they not squeak, but they also do not stop your car. So, I have been reading about house easy (in theory) it is to replace your own brakes. All you need is a few simple tools. Do you think a Swiss Army Knife, a flower-painted hammer, and cordless screwdriver count as the necessary "few simple tools"? I'll let you know.

**At a movie the other night, I saw a little "fun fact" thing that said Ashley Tisdale (HSM 1, 2, & 3) was the cousin of Ron Popeil. The Ron Popeil. Did you know that not only can you still purchase his Food Dehydrator and his Rotissrie, but the GLH (hair in a can) Formula 9 System that he invented is still available.

Hmm..No Luck

2009-09-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

I have been sitting in front of my computer screen trying to come up with something to blog about. Nothing...absolutely no thought long enough to create a full-fledge post has come to mind. So, I will resort to mini-postlets to fill this space so that I can move onto more pressing matters such as playing on facebook.

Postlet #1...
I made the 4-hour trek from Houston to Dallas today for a short little vacation. I most definitely DO NOT like car trips. Actually, let me rephrase that. I do not like car trips where I have to drive. If given the opportunity to sleep a little, visit a little, and eat a little while in the proximity of car, then I very much enjoy car trips. Add a "car trip mix tape" on top of that, and that car trip is GOLDEN.

Postlet #2...
Shortly after I got to my parents, my mother needed me to go to the airport to pick up my dad. As my niece and I pulled up to the "Passenger Arrival" area, we searched for my dad. Out walks this man in an utterly obnoxious orange Hawaiin shirt. It was my dad. No, he had not just returned from Hawaii. In fact, he was flying in from Lubbock. Not really sure why he owns or wears that shirt, but it created a large amount of giggling in the car.

Postlet #3...
How many times is it possible to drop a cell phone before it breaks??? Over the past day and a half, I have dropped my phone no less than 128 times. For the moment, it still works, but if I cease to return your calls, you will know that in my attempt to repair the phone, I had to cover the face with copious amounts of duct tape. (Isn't everything better with duct tape?)

Postlet #4...
I have a confession to make. I do not know how to hook up my DVD player. I have a TV, and I have a DVD player, and I have a bunch of wires. However, I have yet to figure out how to actually put all of those together in a way that enables the viewing of videos on the television set. It may be the least of my problems pretty soon, though, because currently I have to hit my TV with a significant amount of force to get a picture to stay on the screen.

Miss Texas Pageant, Here I Come

2009-09-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

So, I came into the office pretty early this morning to get a headstart on my work. I also did it so that I could hopefully steal away late this afternoon for a haircut.

Middle of the morning, I called my normal salon and asked to schedule an appointment. "Way Too Cool Girl" heaved an eye-rolling sigh when I told her that I indeed wanted to schedule an appointment for TODAY. Yes, I know, "Way Too Cool Salon" is incredibly busy, but I had all my fingers crossed in the hopes that they could fit me in.

"Way Too Cool Girl" finally got back on the line to tell me that my normal hair person (who is incredibly nice and normal and only moderately cool) was unavailable, but that she could place me with someone else. I said that would be fine, hung up, and went about my work.

As I sat on the couches in the salon this afternoon waiting to be called, I wondered a bit nervously who would be cutting my hair. As most of you know, I am hair-vain. It is not something that I am proud of, but I have come to terms with it and accepted it as one of my faults.

Once my hair had been shampooed, I was led to a chair. When I saw who would be cutting my hair, I was a little concerned. It was an oldish gentleman (think pageant-guy from Miss Congeniality), but I told him very carefully what I wanted. While he cut, I kept a deer-in-the-headlights watch over his scissors. As he finished the cut, though, I thought to myself that he did a good job, and so I closed my eyes to relax.

That is where I made my mistake. Oh. My. Goodness.

He whipped out the largest round brush he owned and proceeded to tease my hair into beauty queen oblivion. By the time the blow dryer stopped, it was puffy...P-U-F-F-Y puffy. He even commented on how nice and puffy it was.

Don't get me wrong, I know we're in Texas, but I don't really think I come across as a puffy-hair girl.

Anyway, I told him "thank you", paid, and dashed to my car. Once I got in my car, I drove the Walgreens down the street and purchased. I have now been brushing my hair for the last hour trying to diminish the oh-so-puffy-quality. It has gone down a good 3-inches, but there is still a bit of height. Perhaps I should have also purchased a bump-it to create some volume on the top of my head to balance out the sides.

Oh well.

For those who will see me this evening, please be nice to me and my hair.

For those who will not, you can catch a glimpse of me at the Miss Texas Pageant because my hair has now achieved pageant status.

Bouncing Here, There, and Everywhere

2009-08-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

I was visiting on the phone yesterday with my niece. Although, I use the term "visiting" very loosely because since she has hit this magical age of 13, she rarely has the ability to speak in anything other than 1-word phrases. Yesterday, though, she was unusually chatty.

As we talked about her new routines for the season, I was reminded of a very particular way that she used to bounce here, there, and everywhere. As a family, we refer to it as Naked Gymnastics, and I'll be honest, I really wanted to make that my post title, but I decided it might inadvertently seem wildly inappropriate.

So, when Brit was much younger (I told her I was going to tell this story, and she asked me to stress the MUCH YOUNGER part) and it was time to get ready for bed, my parents would send her to her room to take a bath. Now, before I continue, I need to tell you a few, key points...

Key Point #1 - Since the time she started gymnastics, she has cartwheeled, flip-flopped, and generally pranced everywhere she goes.

Key Point #2 - My parents have various gymnastics apparati (is that the plural for apparatus? in the house which encourages said flip-flopping.

Key Point #3 - Her bedroom used to be the garage, and my dad converted it. So, the floor sounds like a loud upstairs floor.

Back to the story...she had been sent to her room to take a bath, and all of a sudden, we hear bump, bump, thwack, thud. And then it happens again and again and again. So my mother goes to check on her and see what is going on.

Mother opens Brit's bedroom door to see Brit cartwheeling, flip-flopping, and prancing around her room nekked (my family is from East Texas, so that is the proper way to talk about the state of being unclothed). It seems that while she was waiting for the bathtub to fill up, she got sidetracked by pull of doing a few more gymnastic-like moves, and thus was born Naked Gymnastics.

Anyway, here is my niece now in this past season's gym pictures. (I apologize for the poor quality of the pictures. They were scanned in. Also, sorry to those of you have seen these pictures numerous times.)

Who Knew?

2009-08-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, what you are seeing in the picture is a child-safety sticker (the "randomly generated number" stickers that come in 2 or 3 parts).

Yes, these normally go on the backs of toddlers or babies when we have nursery or a special event.

Yes, the back you see before you is most definitely not that of a baby or toddler. In fact, it is the back of a 5th grade boy.

What makes this so funny is that we normally put them on the backs of babies and toddlers rather than their fronts so that they forget about them. However, it seems to work equally as well with 4th, 5th, and 6th grade boys because there were a whole slew of older elementary kids that didn't realize their sticker was still in place until I peeled them off and dismissed them to their parents.

I wonder if the whole "put a bubble in your mouth" works with them too. Hmm...just a thought.

Roasted Potatoes

2009-08-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

Last night, I decided it was time to once again attempt to make a pan of roasted potatoes. For those who know me well, you know that for some reason I do not seem to possess the ability to roast vegetables to an edible state. I have read numerous cookbooks, websites, etc. on how to do this properly and yet I have still managed to mess up countless pans of roasted vegetables.

Last night, though, I was feeling daring.

As I set about in my preparation, I read and reread the directions. As the potatoes were in the oven, I literally sat on pins and needles waiting. When it was finally time to pull them out, I took a hesitant bite and discovered that they were E.D.I.B.L.E. In fact, they were better than edible. They tasted good.

After doing a little happy dance and enjoying my supper, I decided that I would make a pan of brownies for work today. I have made these brownies numerous times, and they really are quite yummy. So, this would be a nice end to a successful cooking evening.

Apparently, I had used up all my good cooking karma because as I set out to make the brownies, I accidentally sprinkled black pepper into them rather than salt (I picked up the wrong shaker). I tried to pick out as much of the pepper as I could and then kept on my way.

The next thing that happened was that I dropped my bottle of vanilla extract on my kitchen counter...my OPEN bottle of vanilla extract. On the plus side, my kitchen now has a strong vanilla scent to it, and I won't need to buy a glade plug-in for quite some time.

Lastly, and worstly (yes, I know that is not a real word) of all, as I was pouring in the oil, I dropped by glass measuring cup into the glass bowl I was using and broke the measuring cup. At this point, I decided that the office really didn't need brownies (nor would they want brownies that had glass shards as one of the ingredients). So, I took the whole bowl and just dumped it in the trash.

On the plus side, I finally conquered my fear of roasted potatoes!!!!!! (I am still happy dancing today. Perhaps, I will try roasting some carrots next.)

Re-Post "Going Out in Style"

2009-08-25T06:08:00.000-07:00

Today marks the one year anniversary of my grandfather's passing. My mother has driven to Troup to be with my grandmother where they will hold an informal memorial service.

As I was visiting with one of my friends about this, she suggested that I re-post my final "Granddaddy" story as a tribute because it didn't matter the situation, there was always a tremendous amount of laughter in their lives.

So...here it is...

**********

Going Out in Style

I have to own up to something. On Sunday morning Lisa K. told me that I was not allowed to write another sad post because the last one that she read had made her cry. Since my post from last night did not adhere to her request, I thought I would throw in a funny one this morning just to swing us all back towards laughter.

Here goes...

By Sunday morning, my grandfather had been nonresponsive for a little over 24 hours. Since my grandfather always worked to look presentable, my mother and her sisters decided to freshen him up a little. They washed his face, gave him a good shave (with an electric razor), and put lotion on his face, hands, and feet.

While all of that was part of his normal "get ready for the day" routine, they did decide to add a couple of steps that I feel fairly safe in saying he would have NEVER EVER EVER done himself. The first was mousse. Yes, my mother decided that the little bit of hair he had on his head needed some product. So, she pulled out her can of mousse and styled him up good.

If that wasn't enough to test his masculinity, my mother's baby sister pulled out her tweezers. Do you see where I am going with this? Yes, she proceeded to pluck his eyebrows (apparently, a nonresponsive patient can remain nonresponsive even through the pain of a good plucking). She said that she mainly worked on his uni-brow and a handful of stray hairs, but I would like to state for the record that he looked a little more metrosexual than I have ever seen an elderly gentleman look.

Later in the day, as we were sitting around him and visiting, someone remarked that he was beginning to look a little jaundiced. His kidneys and liver had started shutting down, and so we chalked up the color change to that. However, as we kept talking about it, my mother mentioned that she thought the lotion had something in it. On closer inspection, we discovered that the lotion did indeed have something in it. It was a Self-Tanning Lotion. Yes, apparently we self-tanned my granddaddy. He looked better than George Hamilton. After laughing quite a bit about the bronze-like effect of his face, hands, and feet, we told him that first we were sorry and second that he at least looked good.

From his hair to his eyebrows to his self-tan, he was most definitely going out in style.

Grocery Stalking

2009-08-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

Last night after church, I needed to go to the grocery store to pick up a handful of items because all I had left in my house was a jar of peanut butter (which is totally good in itself, but I should probably try to incorporate other food groups), a can of black-eyed peas, and spice jars of ginger, nutmeg, and basil.

So, I walk into the grocery store on the produce side, which is a little maze. Once you follow the maze all the way through the produce section, you then have the freedom of perusing the other aisles at your leisure. It always reminds me of my mother forcing me to eat my vegetables before I could do anything else (I still have childhood trauma issues with zucchini).

I stop first at the strawberries, and I notice this little, old man in front of me also getting strawberries. As we move around the little maze, he stops at plums, and I do too. I watch as he very intently chooses the plums for his bag, and I try to copy exactly what he was doing, because I really have NO IDEA how to select produce correctly.

Next, he moves around to the pototates. I wasn't really planning on purchasing any potatoes, but he seemed to think they looked good, so I grabbed a few as well. This continued on through the rest of the produce department.

Now, while I should be a little embarrassed to admit doing that (because I ended up with a couple of things in my cart that I had not intended to purchase...by the way, does anyone know how to cook leeks?), it is the next thing I did that borders on grocery stalking.

As he left the produce section, he headed towards the meat department, and yes (my head is hung in shame), I followed. What can I say? By this point, I was really curious as to what he was going to purchase. It was kind of like my own interactive reality show--perhaps a much calmer version of Supermarket Sweep (how many of you will own up to having watched that show), and all of the SS followers know how important the meat section is.

Now, as he made it to meats, I reminded myself that while it was more than a little unsual that I was following this little old man through the store, if I continued to purchase all of the same items he did, that might border on "wrap-me-in-a-straight-jacket-because-I-obviously-can't-make-my-own-choices" unusual.

Anyway, as he walked through the meat department, I kept a safe distance behind him like the spies do in the movies when tailing someone. He stopped in front of one of the cases, and placed a package in his cart, but I couldn't tell what it was from my distance of two cart-lengths behind. As I neared the case, though, I saw that he had chosen one of the animal bone segments.

I didn't even slow my cart down. I did a big u-turn, pulled back out my shopping list, and went in search of the tortillas.

By the way, I am still needing to figure out how to cook leeks.

RIP, Precious Hair Dryer, RIP

2009-08-22T07:16:00.001-07:00

Well, today was the day...the day I had been dreading for so long. In the midst of drying my hair, my hair dryer died. If even for a moment I held any hope of it actually ever working again, the smoke coming out of the barrel dashed those hopes.

So, I did what any normal girl would do. I panicked. Not only was I standing in my bathroom with sopping wet hair, but the only thing I had to use on it was a tiny little travel hair dryer. Yep, you know what I am talking about. Those of you who treasure your full strength blow dryer as much as I do understand the absurdity of using a travel one.

I worked through it none-the-less, and as I did so, I formulated a plan on what type of hair dryer I needed to purchase TODAY and how much that might cost.

Now, before any of you judge my hair vanity much further, I would like to offer up a defense on my behalf. There are very few items that I feel so strongly about. Yes, one of those is my hair dryer (the others are my vacuum cleaner and peanut butter), but if you understood a little about my blow drying history, it might not seem so over-the-top.

Because I have lots of hair that is naturally frizzy (think of Bellatrix Lestrange from HP), I struggle to make my hair presentable. Letting my hair dry naturally was just not an option, so in college, I used the two dryer system. Yes, I owned two hair dryers, and yes I plugged them in and used them simultaneously. On days that my arms would start to get tired, one of my roommates would grab one and help out.

So, you see, when I finally found a hair dryer that was high powered enough and worked beautifully, I bought it.

That brings me back to today. I have laid my hair dryer gingerly on my bed, and I have even shed a tear or two on its behalf. Now, though, it is time to pick myself up and start the shopping process for a new one as I am out running my errands today.

In the meantime, I need to change my grocery shopping list to read Diet Sam's Cola and Cereal-in-a-Sack rather than their name brand counterparts, because if I have to choose between quality groceries and a quality hair dryer, I am going with the blow dryer EVERY time.

Summer Hiatus

2009-08-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

A radio show I listen to on my way to work most mornings has the tag line of "back and better than ever." Well, I don't know about the "better than ever" part, but the "back" part is true.

After a short summer hiatus and even a decision to stop blogging altogether because I had run out of things to say (yes, that does occasionally happen), I have decided to resume my reality via blogging. It seems that once the stress of the summer lifted, I could see more on the horizon than just boxes of Capri Sun and pipe cleaners.

So, never fear, my loyal readers (all 2 of you), I have re-entered the blogging world.

Do I Still Have Eardrums?

2009-05-25T04:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took a good size group of families from church to the Astros game. Now, they were playing the Rangers, and when I planned the outting and purchased the tickets, the season hadn't started. So, I was honestly expecting the Rangers to be just as pitiful as they have been in years past, and that might mean the Astros would win. Who knew they were going to be in 1st place when they came into this series with the Astros.

Anyway, our group was sitting up in the "really cheap seats" section, and while we could still see the action pretty well, we were definitely outside the "win something free/get on the jumbotron" zone.

Since this was my first Astros game, I didn't realize that they have a train pulling a trailer of pumpkins (although everyone insists they are oranges since the Astros play at Minute Maid park, but they are larger than A-rod's head) that circles the stadium when the Astros hit a home run.

So, as the game got started, this girl sitting behind us yelled, "I wanna see that train MOOOOVE!" We all kind of chuckled and agreed that we, too, wanted to see the train move. Then about 30 seconds later, she yelled it again. She continued to do this everytime the Astros were up to bat at regular intervals, and she didn't just say it, she Y.E.L.L.E.D. it. I'll be honest, by the 437th time of hearing "I wanna see that train MOOOOVE," my Christian spirit was leaving me.

To be fair, even with all the yelling, it was a fun game, and we did have a good time. However, next time I go, I will know to be prepared with earplugs.

Music

2009-05-21T12:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am a huge music fan. I know that really doesn't come as a huge shock to you guys, but I thought I would say it regardless.

Anyway, I recently heard/saw two music things that inspired this post.

The first was the TV show Glee. It has to be the inner-Broadway nerd in me, but I absolutely loved it. Is it sad that as soon as the show ended, I immediately wanted to jump up and do my own "show choir" routine for my dogs? Seriously, people, if you didn't get a chance to see it, check it out online. Their arrangement of Journey's Don't Stop Believin' is reason enough to watch. Also, just as a side trivia for those that saw it, can anyone tell me what is ironic about the character Rachel singing On My Own throughout the show? I would almost be willing to offer a prize for that one.

The second music related item that I saw/heard recently was actually a couple of months ago. It was a David Foster special on PBS. In it, Michael Buble sang a song that he cowrote called Home. If you haven't heard it, it is really well done.

Just as an FYI, here are some other songs/albums I recommend...

Always Be My Baby - The American Idol David Cook version. I absolutely did not like the original Mariah Carey version, but this one has a rock edge that makes it interesting.
Jennys Says by Cowboy Mouth - I'm just a fan of this group. Check them out if you haven't heard them.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Light & Day/Reach for the Sun by Polyphonic Spree - I secretly wish I was part of their group.
Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin
the Soundtrack to Wicked
Claudio Arrau's recording of the Chopin's Complete Nocturnes and Impromtus - This is my de-stress music.

A Bit Behind

2009-05-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

So, I realize I am a bit behind in blogging. Okay, I am actually WAY behind. I blame it on the impending summer. Summer is my busiest time, and it seems that getting ready for summer is just as busy. So, I don't know how faithful my bloggin will be over the next few months, but I will make more of an effort than I have in the past few days.

In the meantime, here is a couple story to tide you over.

I had a camp meeting yesterday at a church a good ways north of where my church is. As I was heading that way, my mind apparently went on auto-pilot since I have made the drive to that church many times. I snapped back to reality just in time to realize that I was about to miss the turn-in for this church. So, I whipped my car into the parking lot, grabbed my computer bag and purse, and headed inside.

When I got inside, I told the secretary that I was there to meet with Dustin and Brandi. She looked at me strangely and asked me again who I was there to meet. I explained once again (getting a little annoyed) that I was there to meet with the children's minister and his assistant--Dustin and Brandi.

She then told me that nobody by that name worked there. I was pretty confused, so I stepped back, looked at the sign behind her desk and realized that I was at Northwood Presbyterian Church. I was supposed to be at Bammel Church of Christ.

Yep, through the whole exchange with the secretary, it never hit me that I was standing in the wrong church.

Oops!

Trying to Take Action

2009-04-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

I've recently been searching for some sort of direction in my life. Some sort of way to make a difference. I'm blessed with a great job and a wonderful family, but I often wonder that if I am making the non-work and non-family time in my life just as purposeful.

Recently, one of my family members posted a couple of blog entries that brought about clarity and gave me food for thought. I'm linking the two posts here, because if you have a chance, I encourage you to read them. The first is entitled Spectacular and the second is called It's a Girl!

Anyway, in my quest to work on small ways to help others, I want to make you all aware of an organization called Compassion International. They are a child advocacy ministry that works to break the cycle of poverty and at the same time sharing the news of Jesus. While I realize that poverty is such an overwhelming problem, I also want us to think about whether or not we are being compassionate towards poverty.

Over the last year at my work, in all the different service projects and activities that we do, I have really tried hard to teach the kids how to minister (both spiritually and physically) to those who need help. We have become such a blessed society that when we are faced with the ugly truth of poverty, I think we react in a very jaded way, and my hope is that we start to move away from that cynical reaction.

So, my question to you is what you are doing to be more compassionate?

My Interesting Day

2009-04-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been an interesting day so far.

For those of you in the Houston area, we have all been "blessed" with a torrential downpour for the last few hours. I just got home from running some errands, and my clothes are soaked. At least it is an excuse to put on pajamas.

While I was out and about, I was on the phone with my mother who is at my niece's track meet. Midway through the conversation, my mother starts yelling at the top of her lungs. Apparently, one of my niece's classmates was running the hurdles, and mother felt the need to cheer her on while talking on the phone with me. So, my eardrum gets busted to the sounds of "Go, Axi! You can do it! Keep going! I don't know where the finish line is, but keep going." Now first of all, I feel for the girl because yes, that really is the girl's name (poor girl), and secondly, my mother needs to work on her cheering because that was just sad.

I woke up really early this morning realizing that I had forgotten to put the beans on to soak overnight. So, I went ahead and got up and did that so I could make some baked beans tonight.

Then, I figured that while I was up, I would go ahead and pick up a few items that I forgot to get at the store. One of the items I needed was Children's Benadryl. My dogs have bad allergies, and while I was at the vet yesterday, they suggested I put them back on Benadryl. Well, apparently they have stopped making both the chewables and the tablet form of Children' Benadryl, so I decided to look at adult Benadryl to see if I could just break a tablet in half. As I was reading the back of the box, I saw the warning label. Printed on the back of the box was "Benadryl should not be given to make a child sleepy." I started giggling in the store. Then I picked up a number of other brands of allergy medicine, and Benadryl was the only one with that warning.

I also got to spend a great deal of time in Mardel's today. We have a new one in my area of town, and I just walked up and down the aisles until my heart was content.

I just can't imagine my day becoming any more exciting.

You'll Never Guess...

2009-04-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

If only I had taken my laptop home last night, you guys would have heard about this so much sooner, but I didn't. So, here goes.

I recorded Monday's episode of Late Night with David Letterman because Mike and Mike (of ESPN's Mike and Mike in the Morning) were going to be on as guests. So, late last night, I was watching it, and you'll never guess what happened.

David Letterman referenced a children's church song.

Yep, I kidd you not.

Mike Golic was being self-deprecating about his football career, and Dave said, "Don't hide your light under a bushel."

I nearly fell out of my chair.

The only thing that would have made it better was if he had also done the hands signs. I guess stranger things have happened, though.

Can Cake Decorating Really Be a Reality Show?

2009-04-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have a new favorite reality show. It is called Last Cake Standing, and while it isn't a full-fledged reality show (it is only 4 or 5 weeks long), I absolutely love it. Who knew that cake decorating could turn into reality television?

I have always been a reality show fan (e.g. American Idol, Amazing Race, Project Runway, etc.), but for some reason, this one fascinates me more than any other.

For those who haven't seen it, it started with 6 famous cake decorators (the ones that are always on the Food Network Challenges) and they were given a task. At the end of the task, someone is either voted off (week 1) or booted off by the judges (this week) or who knows what else...maybe shot out of a cake cannon. The decorators take it very seriously!

This morning, I had a Children's Ministry Network meeting with other children's ministers from the Houston area. Before the meeting actually got underway, we were all visiting about a couple of items that each of us had come across over the last few months. As we were discussing the ups and downs and the drama that accompanied each of these occurences, someone threw out the comment that with all the different dynamics that play a part in a church, we could almost have our own reality tv show.

I'm thinking that might not be the best idea, but if we did, I would probably watch.

Embrace Your Pastiness

2009-04-08T20:28:00.001-07:00

Come on, everybody. Embrace your inner pastiness!

This is the time of year that I have to trade in my SPF 15 for a wonderful SPF 85 (Neutrogena makes a wonderful one). The sun is shining full force, and I can feel myself getting a sunburn as I make the drive into work.

Because of my tendency to burn at the sight of sun (I have often wondered if I am part Albino), I have always just had to embrace my inner pastiness. However, now it seems like America is doing the same. A couple of doctors who are endorsed by the American Cancer Society have begun a campaign called "Pasty by choice."

Can I tell you how thrilled I am that I now have a group of people championing my inability to tan. This summer is offering up a whole lot of possibilities. Now, instead of keeping the embarrassment that is the glare of my ultra-white legs covered by long pants and skirts, I can give them some freedom and bare my whiteness.

You might even see me proudly wearing a "pasty by choice" clothing item. Now that being pasty is cool, the possibilities are endless.

Now, if only they would come up with the color "pasty" to put in a crayon box.

The Worst Pedicure EVER!

2009-04-04T10:16:00.001-07:00

So, this morning I was out running errands. Picking up stuff for bible class tomorrow. Finding a fabric that wasn't going to make Queen Esther looking like a 1980s prom queen with dyables. Getting a few groceries. Finding an Easter craft for our service project. Stuff like that.

While I was out, I decided to stop and get a pedicure. Now, I don't do this often. In fact, about the only time I get pedicures is heading into summer and during the summer (and even then, I try to only get one a month so that I am not spendind too much money) because my feet live and flip flops, and there is nothing that makes me more self-conscious than awful looking feet in flip flops.

I stopped at a new place to get my pedicure. It looked like a very nice nail salon, and it was fairly new, so I figured all would be good. So, I pick my color, stick my feet in the warm sudsy water, and get ready to relax. As the nail lady does her work, I sit there and almost doze off. That is until the leg and foot massage begin.

Oh. My. Goodness. Do you remember the episode of Friends where Monica gives Chandler a massage, and it is the most painful thing he has experienced? That was exactly what my leg and foot massage was like. It was PAINFUL. And every so often, she would look up and ask, "That feels good, doesn't it?" To which I would fight back the tears and nod yes.

Now, I know you are asking why didn't I just say something to her about the tremendous torture she was inflicting on me. Well, it was because she hadn't actually painted my toenails yet, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings in case that made her mad and that caused her to retaliate on my toes.

I am fairly certain I am going to have large bruises on my shins and the tops of my feet tomorrow. In fact, I may just have to wear houseshoes for the next few days since I am fairly certain I can't put shoes on.

On the plus side, my toes look really good!

Your Welcome, IRS (Not)

2009-04-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

So, I just finished giving quite a bit of my hard earned money to the IRS, and I am not too happy about it. Many of you have heard of my tax woes, so I won't rehash them. I will, however, tell you that even though I have now raised the amount taken out of my check each month, I am seriously contemplating selling a kidney to offset next year's tax issues. Do I have any takers????

Have You Ever...

2009-04-01T13:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried to wash your television remote control?

Somehow my AT&T Uverse remote control got in the washing machine last night as I was putting on a load of laundry. This morning when I was moving the towels from the washer to the drier, I noticed the remote control sitting at the bottom of my washing machine.

While I was tempted to transfer it to the dryer with the rest of the washed items, instead I took it into the living room to see if it still worked.

It does! I admit that I was more than a little suprised.

At that point, I was really quite tempted to go ahead and throw it in the dryer just so I could see if it would still work after being both washed and dried, but I didn't.

Hello, Blogging World

2009-03-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

Hello, Blogging World...or at least hello to the 2 readers that actually still read my blog since I have been quite behind in updating my blog.

The last couple of weeks have been busy (but that's pretty normal). I have been of the total VBS mindset for the last couple of weeks trying to knock out a good bit of work. Plus, I was able to make a quick trip to Dallas for a few days (woohoo!!!!).

Since there is not much new to share with you guys, I thought I would do a Top Ten list for you.

1. Favorite News Story: If you haven't heard about this story, you have to take a moment to read it. Essentially, 4 college-age, spanish guys working on a science project wanted to see what kind of pictures they could take with a $150 camera attached to a balloon. The specifics are much more complex, but the story is amazing. Here is a link to their blog detailing this project. There is a google translator on the page, so just set it to your language of choice. Also, the picture above is from their balloon camera.

2. Favorite New Late Night Show: Late Night with Jimmy Fallon...if you haven't seen it, you need to take a moment to watch it. Yes, I am a Fallon-Fan, but the show gets better every night, and it's a little more fun than the traditional late night show.

3. Favorite Radio Program: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me...I am a bit of an NPR geek, and find this show hilariously funny. You can download free podcasts of it, too.

4. Favorite Television Show: The Office...Yes, I am an Office addict. Give me a quote, and I can tell you the episode it came from.

5. Favorite Book: Under the Overpass...Yes, I have told everyone I know about this book, and while it isn't a great piece of literature, it is a moving story that really makes you think.

6. Favorite Appliance: My Dyson Vacuum Cleaner...Was there any doubt about whether or not I would slip that in there? I vacuum everyday. Of course it is my favorite appliance.

7. Favorite Fast Food Discovery: That Sonic sells bananas...Sonic ice and a banana all in one trip. That is absolutely marvelous.

8. Favorite Game/Puzzle: Sudoku...it's the Rain Man in me that finds this puzzle so fascinating.

9. Favorite Article of Clothing: Shoes...I am a shoe-aholic, and the number of shoes in my closet proves it.

10. Favorite Time of the Year: March Madness...My bracket is doing well (except for the points I lost because of Wake Forest) and the weather is nice. What is not to like about March Madness?

Satiny Wonderment, Part 2

2009-03-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so today was satiny wonderment, part 2. It was just as satiny, but not quite so wonderment filled.

I headed to another Walmart today in search of some more costume satin. I called around first to make sure the Walmart I was headed to acutally had some of the fabric I needed. When I got there, I quickly found the fabric I was looking for. I grabbed up all the bolts that I saw of the blue satin and silver satin that I needed, and then I noticed they had more of a butter yellow and fuschia we are using for Queen Vashti's banquet room. So, I loaded those into my cart, too.

That's when the fun began.

After standing there for almost 15 minutes, I was fairly tempted to cut my own fabric, but finally a worker approached. I pulled out the first bolt and said, "I need all of the fabric on this one." To which he replied, "You need all of the fabric on this one?" After I convinced him that I was sure, he began to unwrap the fabric and measure.

turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...

Worker: There is 1 yard.
Me: Yes, I need all of the fabric on this bolt.

turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...

Worker: That is 2 yards.
Me: Yes, thank you. I still need all of it.

turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...

Worker: That is 3 yards.
Me: You're doing great! (I guess I thought my peppy compliment would convince him to move quicker. It didn't.)

turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...

Worker: Okay that is 3 yards and 20 inches...so 3 and 5/8ths.
Me: Actually, 20 inches does not make it to 5/8ths yet, so you are charging me for fabric that is not there. It should be 3 1/2 yards.
Worker: Look at my ruler. If you round up, it is 3 and 5/8ths.
Me: But you don't round up when dealing with fabric. It is kind of like me putting 6 apples in my cart and you trying to charge me for 10. You can't round up to 10 apples. You would be charging me for something I didn't buy.
Worker: (Huge sigh) Okay, 3 1/2 yards.

-Next Bolt gets placed up on the counter-

Me: I need all of the fabric on this one.
Workers: You need all of the fabric on this one?
Me: Yes (with heavy exasperation in my voice)

turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...
turn (ever so slowly)...

Worker: There is 1 yard.
Me: Yes, I need all of the fabric on this bolt.

...I kidd you not, this happened for 28 more yards of fabric. By the time he finished measuring and cutting my fabric, there was no kindness left in my body. Fortunately, after our first "rounding-up" exchange, he didn't try to do that again, and fortunately, I left the store with all the fabric I needed (and was desperate to find). However, I have had my Walmart fill for a very long time, and hope to not have to do that again anytime soon.

Satiny Wonderment

2009-03-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

I have begun the VBS prep in the hopes of having thing taken care of in a timely manner rather than the madhouse that was the week before VBS last year.

So, I was strolling through Walmart today picking up some items, and I decided to stop in the fabric section to look at the pattern books because I need a jester costume and a king costume. I found the two patterns that were just what I was looking for. As I am pulling my cart out of the fabric section I lay eyes on something special.

It was a huge section of costume satin for $2.00 a yard. For those who have priced shiny fabrics for costumes or prom dresses, you know that $2.00 a yard is super-cheap. I immediately whipped out my cell phone and called my set designer. Between what she needed for palace drapery and what I needed to turn beige tunics into harem girl costumes, I bought out the place.

It took 3 ladies quite a while to measure, record, and cut out the fabric I needed, but after all was said and done, I left the store in satiny wonderment.

Now if only I can come up with a eunuch costumes I will be in business.

Embarrassment

2009-03-11T08:38:00.001-07:00

So, my life is full of embarrassing moments. I am forever running into doorways, slipping and falling in my own puddle of spit (yes, that truly happened, and it will have to be a story for another time), etc. That is just how my life rolls, and I have learned to embrace it.

I did, however, have a new category of embarrassment the other day when I was at the grocery store--a processed cheese embarrassment.

I was asked to prepare food to bring up to the church for a funeral. The plan was for me to bring a dessert and a side dish. I didn't have a whole lot of extra time, and so I wanted to make something super-easy that I knew for sure without a doubt people would like. So, I planned to make a lemon bundt cake and broccoli rice casserole.

Someone on the East Texas side of my family used to make this all the time, and I had eaten it before, and it always tasted good. So, I looked at the ingredients, discovered I had all of them but two, and decided that would work.

So, Monday afternoon I stopped by the store for the two missing ingredients--white rice and cheese whiz...yes, cheese whiz. I walked up and down the aisles and just could not find it. It was then that I actually had to stop and ask a store worker where it was kept. Was it in the cold food section? Was it just on a shelf? There were so many possibilities.

As I was asking the store worker, I noticed that I was whispering. Yes, I apparently was embarrassed to admit that I was not only purchasing this processed cheese product with the unfortunate name, but also that I was actually going to cook with with. My face turned bright read as he yelled to his coworker, "Where's the cheese whiz? This lady needs a jar." (Let's be honest, folks, should cheese come in a jar?)

Anyway, he finally pointed me in the right direction. I secured the necessary amount, and I bolted out of the store. Even with my unnatural fascination with all things orange (e.g. cheese in a squirt can), I hit my embarrassment level with the cheese whiz purchase.

Can It Be Done?

2009-03-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

So, I have begun an endeavor. Before I tell you what it is, I will admit that I am not entirely certain that I can actually do this.

I know you are brimming with anticipation at knowing exactly what I am talking about, but I have to forewarn you that it is not that interesting.

My goal is to use all the groceries in my pantry and freezer before I buy any more at the store. I know it is not a terribly exciting goal, but I have stockpiled a nice amount of groceries, and I need to use them up before I purchase more. Now, I can purchase things like milk, eggs, butter, etc. at the store (things that are perishble), but otherwise, I am trying to come up with meals using what I have.

For example, last night I pulled out a can of pumpkin puree that I had left over and made pumpkin pancakes. Tonight, wasn't as tasty. This evening, I ate "pizza" made with crescent roll dough, can of tomato sauce, and some frozen mozarella cheese and some frozen broccoli that I sliced into small pieces. Then, I pulled out a can of sliced peaches and ate a bowl of those. It wasn't a terribly exciting meal (plus, there were leftovers, so that will be lunch tomorrow), but I used up a little bit more.

I remember my parents doing this type of thing when I was young, but it was more of an end-of-the-month and the grocery money is used up for the month type thing. Invariably, it usually involved a can of Veg-all. I think that is why I have such an aversion to the product today. Although, I am not sure why we would purchase Veg-all to begin with.

Anyway, I will keep you updated on my pantry process. My next quest is to figure out how to use up cans of cream of mushroom soup.

How Often Can You Use an Adult-Size Parrot

2009-03-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

So, I have begun work on my script for VBS this year. We are doing Esther. This is probably my favorite story in the Bible, and so I am super-excited that this is the one we are doing.

Last year, we did Jonah, and the break-out star was the adult-size parrot suspended over the baptistry. Anyway, I'm trying to figure out a way to work the parrot back into the show this year, but I haven't quite come up with an idea that really seems plausible.

Here are the possible scenarios so far...

1. The parrot gets loose in the palace of King Xerxes and flies back and forth on a trapeze wire throughout the scenes. The only thing that concerns me about this one is that their are brick walls on either side of the stage area, and I can just see the parrot crashing into the brick wall and dying right there on stage. It might scar a child.

2. Like in Aladdin (the Disney animated version), the parrot is the mascot of the bad guy. So, Haman would walk around with the adult-size parrot sitting on his shoulders making wisecracks. As with option 1, there is a downside to this one too. The person I am going to ask to play Haman is about 5'9", and the person who played the parrot is 6'4". It might look a tad strange.

3. Since there are a number of banquets mentioned in this story, the parrot could be the main course in one of the banquets. One of the guards could chase the parrot, catch him, skin him, and then cook him all right on stage, so that when the scripture says they "prepared a banquet table" the kids could really see that in action. My question with this one is where would I find a "chicken skin" costume so that once all of the parrot's feathers are plucked, we see the rubbery chicken-looking skin underneath. It has to look realistic.

Any thoughts from you guys? Is there a better way to incorporate the parrot?

Update Time

2009-02-28T06:34:00.000-08:00

Good morning, everyone. I realize that I have gotten a bit behind in my updating of the blog, but I just haven't felt moved to update as of late.

So, to catch you up in lightening speed fashion, here is what has been going on as of late.

1. I owe a pretty large chunk to the IRS (not because I haven't paid on my taxes) for two reasons. The first is that I am a single clergy, and the way taxes are figured for both singles and for clergy REALLY penalizes me. Second, I try to be frugal. Yes, you read that correctly, because I try to watch what I spend, I now owe more in taxes (again, it is the way a clergy's taxes are figured that determine this). Therefore, I have recently proclaimed that I need to get married fairly quickly so as to have a better tax situation next year.

2. My Dyson vacuum cleaner had to go into the shop. Apparently, I vacuum with too much enthusiasm, and I broke a little piece on the machine. It really concerned me at first that I have only had it 3 months, and it already needed to be repaired. However, I then figured out that I have vacuumed more in 3 months then most people have in a year. It's now back home and working beautifully.

3. I watched (and enjoyed) the Academy Awards. I'm a Hugh Jackman fan, and I think this year's Oscars were much more entertaining than most of the past years. Plus, I love BIG, musical numbers with sneak appearances by Zac Efron.

Well, I guess less has happened than I thought. Oh well. Have a wonderful rest of the weekend.

Jesus, Dwight, Moses, and David

2009-02-23T12:07:00.000-08:00

Jesus, Dwight, Moses, and David.

Wait a minute...Dwight? Where in the Bible is the story on Dwight? His story can probably be found in one of the hard-to-spell books of the Old Testament.

Anyway, my Emphysema David (and Jesus and Moses) dolls came in today, so I introduced them to Dwight, and the four of them now reside together on a shelf in my office. They probably will have a lot to talk about.

I can just picture Dwight turning to Moses and saying, "Question! Which type of beets taste the best with quail? Wrong! All beets are best!"

And then, Dwight will pull out his crossbow and Chinese throwing stars and use them on David because why rely on five little stones when are arsenal of weapons will do?

Oh, the fun times ahead.

Oatmeal Snob

2009-02-21T09:42:00.001-08:00

Did you know it was possible to be an oatmeal snob? I didn't either. Apparently, though, I have become an oatmeal snob.

Over the last few weeks, I have been eating steel cut oatmeal for breakfast, and it has be super-yummy. However, it takes a good 35 minutes to make. So generally, I make a pot at the beginning of the week and heat some up each morning.

This morning as I was rummaging through the kitchen to find something for breakfast, I realized that I ate the last bit of my oatmeal yesterday morning. So, on the top shelf of my pantry, I spotted a box of maple and brown sugar Quaker Instant Oatmeal. Although it wasn't my first choice, I needed to eat some breakfast so that I could head out to the grocery store.

So, I prepared it according to the directions and sat down to eat.

Eeeww. Yuck.

I kidd you not, I could not manage more than one bite, and so I ended up dumping it down the disposal. I used to enjoy instant oatmeal. However, I'm guessing that after weeks of eating "quality" oatmeal, I have become an oatmeal snob.

So, I opened up a can of green beans for breakfast (yes, I REALLY need to go to the store), and I am off to the store with steel cut oats at the top of my list.

Oh the Excitement...

2009-02-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

I am giddy with excitement!!!!

I finally got my David, Moses, and Jesus dolls ordered today. They aren't bobble-heads, but they do talk. The David one sounds a little like he has emphysema.

I'll try to post video of it when they came in so that all of you guys can see these for yourselves.

I already have the perfect spot for them...on the shelf next to bobble-head Dwight.

Also, on a side note. I have a new favorite Bible verse--2 Chronicles 14:14, but you have to read it in the NIV to get the full affect.

Peanut Recall, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Sunday Mornings

2009-02-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I am actually up at work on this fine President's Day trying to clean my office. It is a much bigger job than I anticipated, so it is BREAK TIME.

While I am taking my break, I thought I would take a moment to write a new blog post.

The first is about the peanut recall. So, I apparently have not been watching the news at all, and so when I got a phone call the other day from Sam's saying that a box of peanut butter crackers that I had purchased was being recalled, I was a little surprised.

That surprise was quickly followed by concern that I had eaten a number of those snack packages and was just now finding out that they had been recalled. (BTW...if anyone sees me acting slightly strange, then there is a good chance I have salmonella poisoning.)

Anyway, I loaded myself and my box of snack crackers into the car and headed to Sam's. When I got there, there was a pretty long line at customer service. That long of a line meant that I had plenty of time to people watch. I soon found myself fixated on one of the customer service people. He was standing at his register working very intently on his returns with a large safari hat planted squarely on his head.

The reason that this struck me as unusual was because it was overcast outside and he was INSIDE. There was no sun beating down inside Sam's Club, nor was he having to shield himself from the rain. He kept that hat on, though, and every so often he would tighten the chin strap just in case the wind inside Sam's might catch it and blow it away.

**********

The second thought is about chocolate chip cookies. I want to make sure that everyone knows the proper way to bake and serve chocolate chip cookies.

You bake the cookies until they are about 3/4 of the way done, and then you take them out of the oven, scoop them (probably with a spoon) into a small bowl, and eat them with either a fork or a spoon. Then you drink a LARGE glass of milk because the gooey version of the chocolate chip cookie is WAY SWEETER than anything you can imagine. (Warning...you'll want to eat just one or two cookies doing this. Otherwise, you will be make yourself sick.)

I am a fan of the raw cookie dough and of the completely cooked cookie, but the 3/4 cookie is the best. Plus, it saves electricity because your stove isn't on as long.

**********

Sunday morning...hmm...what an interesting day yesterday was.

First off, I completely lack the ability to communicate with others. I really do struggle with basic social skills (I'm thinking of asking Lynley to do some social skills lessons with me).

Anyway, unless I know you quite well and feel comfortable that you will embrace ALL of my weirdness, I almost always feel very awkward when visiting with people. That sense of awkwardness then makes my already fast-moving mouth and brain speed up so as not to prolong the misery of actually having to talk to someone. That increase in speed makes my thoughts very disjointed and what I am saying border on unintelligible. That, in turn, makes me feel even more awkward, which speeds things up more, etc., etc., etc.

Do you see the vicious cycle here?

Anyway, yesterday was definitely one of those days. I was meeting with one of my new coordinators yesterday morning about a new role that she is assuming. I have visited with her occasionally and quite a bit by email, but never a prolonged face-to-face meeting where I am required to convey specific information to her, and NEVER on a Sunday morning.

As I am showing her around and explaining some different things, I realize that I am not actually completing any of my sentences nor am I forming any coherent thoughts. As I start to internally focus on this issue, all of my speech continues to disintegrate.

Then, I realize that I drank a large Diet Coke yesterday morning on the way to church. I haven't had caffeine in months, but because I had stayed up late the night before, I needed a pick-me-up on the way to church. So, not only was my usual mush-mouth taking over, but I had added caffeine into the mix.

There really was no chance that she was going to get the information from me that she needed and leave the conversation feeling confident that I was the person in charge of the children at our church.

Oh well. Maybe I should start mixing Benadryl with my Sunday morning glass of milk.

Life Lesson from The O.C.

2009-02-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

So, who knew I could gain a life lesson from The O.C.--not me. In fact, it shocked me slightly.

Let me back up a little to explain. I have been working on a project for the last few weeks that requires me reading through some pretty awful case studies on parenting and involvement of CPS. They really have been very hard and sickening to get through.

So, today I decided to take a break from my work and just chillax. I realize I spent all of Wednesday on the couch, but I was sick, so that doesn't count. Today, I literally wanted to do nothing. Mid-afternoon, the draw of just "laying there and reading" had exhausted itself. So, I flipped on the television and started channel surfing.

I landed on an old rerun of The O.C. (season 1...the best season).

As I watched the scene unfold, the dad (Sandy) was scolding the "foster" son (Ryan), for some trouble that he had gotten into, and Sandy was getting on to Ryan pretty good. It was at that point that Ryan made some statement to the effect of "he would pack his stuff and leave," (not in a running away/pouting kid reaction, but in a "I've messed up, and I know you won't want me anymore" kind of way).

Sandy's reaction to that statement was the best line ever uttered on The O.C. He said, "Do you think you can mess up so much that we are going to kick you out of this family? You are part of our family now."

Wow, if only everyone thought that way. I tell you, after reading all of those case studies, that was such a refreshing idea. And to think, it came as part of The O.C. Who knew there could be such a life lesson?

This Morning on the Price Is Right...

2009-02-11T13:47:00.000-08:00

First of all, yes, I watched The Price Is Right. In my defense, though, I have been home sick all day. So, I was laying on the couch in a Tylenol PM haze, and by the time the remote landed on The Price Is Right I was too tired to continue changing the channel. So, I left it.

I drifted off for awhile, and by the time I woke up, it was the last "wheel time". The last two guys both spun $1.00 earning themselves each $1,000. Then they both spun $0.15 which earned them each another $10,000.

I was up off the couch in total excitement. I think I may have whooped, but I don't completely remember. At that moment, I really wanted to call someone to share the excitement of the moment.

Then, I remembered....

...it was The Price Is Right.

Never before has The Price Is Right seemed so exhilarating. It surely must have been the Tylenol PM. Perhaps, I should lower my dosage

Pink, Flying Monkeys

2009-02-10T10:59:00.001-08:00

I'm not really sure what to title this post, so I thought I would go with an attention grabber.

First off, I have to admit that my new blog look is actually courtesy of Cindy. When I went to her blog to read her latest post yesterday, I noticed her new background, and it was absolutely darling. So, I copied it and used it as my new background.

So, I have been working on my taxes (ugh!). As much as I love math and numbers (yes, I am a cross between Rain Man and a nerd), I absolutely dread doing my taxes because there are so many receipts that have to be entered in and accounted for. Do you think the IRS would notice if I just made up a number to put in the "amount of refund" box?

Lastly, I am very excited to announce that it is almost February 17. I absolutely cannot wait. For those who are not sure why that date is so exciting, I will fill you in. February 17 is the date that High School Musical 3 is released on DVD!!!! Woohoo. I wasn't actually able to see it in the theaters, so I am looking forward to the release date.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!

San Diego Recap

2009-02-08T21:11:00.000-08:00

San Diego was GREAT! The conference was fantastic, and I came back with some great resources. Plus, the proximity to the water has me so enamored that I am thinking Memorial needs to do a church plant in Southern California.

Since I now need to shift back to Houston mode, I thought I would close out my trip with a recap of the highlights.

1. I met Bibleman (see post below)! Yep, it truly was a highlight. No, I am not the least bit embarrassed to admit that.

2. Really good mexican food--not Tex-mex--but MEXICAN food. Yum.

3. I had to purchase another bag to bring home all the stuff I got, and my big suitcase went over the weight limit (it was 51.5). However, the Southwest lady didn't make me pay an overage--woohoo!!!!!

4. I saw a catamaran. I thought those only existed on The Price Is Right.

5. I heard the best quote of the conference, "I love Jesus. Yes, I watch The Office, but I still love Jesus."

6. I met or was in close proximity to Phil Vischer (as in Veggie Tales creator), the Go Fish Guys (huge crush on them), The Lads, and Craig Jutila (uttered the quote above).

7. When Phil Vischer walked by, I REALLY had to supress the urge to chase after him.

Well, tomorrow I have to get back to work. In the mean time, everyone have a wonderful evening.

Bible Man (My Heart Be Still)

2009-02-05T22:58:00.000-08:00

You won't believe who I met today. Guess...you'll never guess. Okay, so maybe you will because I posted it in the title.

I MET BIBLE MAN!!!!!!!

Okay, now this isn't the "Eight Is Enough" Bible Man (bless Willie Aames' heart), but this was the touring Bible Man, and I was so excited to meet a "movie star" that I rushed up to have my picture made with him.

On the topic of the bobble-head Jesus dolls, that I spoke about in my last post, they don't have them this year. I am really crushed and not certain I will survive this disappointment.

They did pull out the talking dolls to show us. The David doll sounds a little like he has emphysema when he recites Psalms. However, I am still going to order a set. I'll post a picture when they come in.

That's all for now! Gotta get some sleep form tomorrow.

Hi ho hi ho...It's off to San Diego I go!

2009-02-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

Well, folks. I leave for San Diego in the morning for the CPC conference. I am super-excited. Not only will this be a cool conference, but I'll get to hang out with my long lost friends.

I hope desperately to come home with a bobble-head Jesus doll.

How Cool Would That Be?

2009-02-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

Be honest...if I asked you to spell my last name, how many of you could really do it without cheating? I realize it is an unsual last name, and there are a number of consonants linked together, but really, is it that hard? My church credit card even has my name misspelled on it.

Oh well, I've grown used to it. There aren't too many of us in the United States, and that uniqueness has it's advantages.

With as few of us as there are, I was surprised to find out that there was an Emerson G. Reinsch Library at Marymount University. Alas, he is not related to my family, but since no one might otherwise figure it out, could I just pretend that he was, because how cool would it be to have a library named after your family?
(P.S. I couldn't find a picture, so here is a picture of the campus map.)

Major Ouch

2009-02-01T10:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I had a cartoon character moment this morning at church. You know the moment in the cartoons where the "dumb" character (e.g. Elmer Fudd) sticks his hand in hole to reach for something only to discover it is stuck. Well, that is exactly what happened to me.

Last week, one of my subsitute teachers knocked a bunch of pictures behind one of our long wall cabinets. She told me as soon as it happened, and I wrote it down so that sometime during the week I could get the maintenance guy to help me get it out. Well, I must have lost the paper, because I completely forgot about it.

So, as teachers are getting ready for class this morning, the teacher in that room came and told me some of her pictures were missing. Uh oh...it was at that moment I remembered what had happened.

So, her husband helped me scoot the cabinet away from the wall ever so slightly. It took quite a bit of muscle to move it that little, so I worked my hardest to reach behind it and grab the pictures. I squeezed my arm down into the opening, got hold of the pictures, and started to pull it out.

That's when the problem occurred. I couldn't get my arm out. It was stuck, and stuck good. A sense of panic quickly came over me as I wondered how my arm would ever come out. Would they have to cut it off??? Embarrassement followed the panic because I then realized that kids would be getting there shortly, and I knew their reaction would include lots of laughter.

Fortunately, the husband found someone to help him pull it out a little bit more, and my arm was released. I am now sporting a pretty ugly bruised area as well as a bruised ego, but at least my arm is still attached to my body.

Admit It

2009-01-29T12:59:00.000-08:00

I was visiting with a friend today, and she asked me if I saw last week's episode of ***** *******, but she asked me in a whisper because that is one of those shows that I think we are all a little embarrassed to admit we watch.

Since I am feeling a little guilty about admitting that show, I will own up to something else for all of my faithful blog readers.

Ready for my announcement?

Here goes...

I used to watch Dawson's Creek. No, I wasn't in high school when it was on, I was in college. I really liked to watch it, and I would even tape it when I wasn't going to be home. I know you are all cringing as you are reading this. I am cringing a little bit as I write it.

Admit it, though, you know you were involved in the lives on the creek, and you, too, got tired of all of Dawson's whining and were rooting for the former "Mighty Duck" Pacey to get the girl (SPOILER ALERT 5 YEARS LATE: he did get the girl).

In the end, I am still a little embarrassed to admit that I watched it, but I am fairly certain you also have one of those types of shows that you watch (or watched) and would never admit to anyone.

General Update

2009-01-27T15:43:00.000-08:00

Lots of little things to update, but not enough of any one thing to make a whole post. So, here goes my update list.

1. I made the black-eyed peas (the beans not the group) in a pressure cooker without blowing up my kitchen. Woohoo!

2. I have a stack of junk mail that is growing by leaps and bounds. Do you think the Shredding Fairy will come visit my house and take care of it?

3. I think my closest desperately needs to be cleaned out because when I was hunting for a pair of shoes yesterday I found a gift bag full of all my Christmas stocking items from 2007.

4. I skipped my vacuuming this afternoon and so far the world has not come to an end. If I am feeling daring, I might skip tomorrow, too.

5. I finished the BEST book last night that I highly recommend. It is called, Let Me Tell You a Story: Life Lessons from Unexpected Places and Unlikely People.

6. I also reread Under the Overpass. If you haven't read it, it is a must-read.

7. I have been rewatching all of the previous seasons of The Office and have been laughing, laughing, laughing for days.

8. On that same note, I am very perplexed about what happened to Michael's hair between Season 1 and Season 2. If anyone knows the answer, please tell me.

Well, those are all my updates/thoughts for now. Have a Happy Tuesday!

Road Rage vs. Amnesty International

2009-01-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I decided to head up to the building to get caught up on work. As I was making my trek down the Katy Freeway, there was the car weaving in and out of traffic. He wasn't really going too much faster than anyone else, he just seemed determined to get behind anyone who was going the speed he wanted in the lane he wanted.

I'm sure you know what I am talking about. We have all seen it. The person who swings to the right side and left side of a lane back and forth as if to say, "Get out of my way. I am too lazy to simply use my turn signal and pass you using another lane."

And even though he wasn't behind me, this got on my nerves a great deal. So, I soon started muttering to him from the confines of my car. "Go around. It's not that hard. Although, you don't seem terribly smart because you haven't figured out that you can get past all of this traffic by using another lane."

As this continued, I noticed that my mutterings became louder and louder, until I was bordering on way more than irritated. I realize I should have just let it go, but he was being unbelievably rude, and by this time, an emotion that I can only guess would be described as road rage was emerging.

Keep in mind, I really am a peace, love, and harmony type of person, but there must be a full moon coming or a barametric pressure change because I threw peace, love, and harmony out the window.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not brazen enough to ever do anything. Nor am I dumb enough to do anything dangerous, but my brain did harken back to my days in college when my friends and I would carry dry erase boards in our cars so that when someone was not being a good driver we could write them a message letting them know that. The messages would be stuff like, "The Yield sign was meant for YOU." I assure you that they were never inappropriate. We just wanted to be ready to express ourselves.

Anyway, so I finally made it to church, and my blood was still a little boiling, but I sat down in my desk chair. I turned on my computer to get started with work, and I checked my email. The first thing that popped up in my inbox was my renewal notice for my Amnesty International membership. Yep, that's right. My "peace, love, and harmony" membership popped up to remind me that road rage was probably not the best use of my time.

So, I renewed it while feeling rather guilty, but I am thinking I may invest in another white board for my car. It might help my feelings considerably. Although, driving and writing at the same time is probably not the smartest move on my part.

Black-Eyed Peas (the bean not the group)

2009-01-24T14:39:00.000-08:00

I have managed to accomplished virtually nothing today (which I am completely okay with), but in the quest to do nothing, I have done quite a bit of googling.

One of the topics that I have been searching is how to cook black-eyed peas (the bean not the group) because I love black-eyed peas and cornbread (it's the southern in me).

So, I stumbled across a pressure cooker website and discovered that using my pressure cooker, I can cook me some black-eyed peas in 9-11 minutes. Now, I am not entirely certain how to use my pressure cooker, and I vaguely remember my mother blowing one up many many years ago, but I'm hoping that with a little perserverance, I can figure it out.

However, if I arrive at work on Monday with an eyebrow or two singed off, then you'll know I wasn't completely successful.

Random Realizations

2009-01-22T02:23:00.000-08:00

#1--I rule at Sudoku. Yes, I said it. I put it out there in no uncertain terms. However, that is the truth, and I challenge anyone who thinks they can beat me. I have even started doing my Sudoku puzzles in pen.

#2--Sonic now sells bananas. Who knew? When I pulled up to Sonic to get a soda before church last night (yes, I have temporarily lifted my caffeine ban), I saw bananas advertised on their menu. Granted, they cost $1.00, and you could probably get one at Kroger for $0.16, but the point is they sell bananas.

#3--Being outside of the box is not a bad thing. One of the secretaries at church and I were visiting yesterday. She said that someone told her that she was just "too outside the box". I say embrace your "lack of boxiness".

#4--I have a new computer game that I have to play everyday. No, it is Word Scramble or something fun. It is my new vision therapy game. I put on these oversized glasses with one red lense and one blue lense, and then I stare at my computer screen while clicking on the boxes wherever they appear. My doctor assured me this would be super-fun. It is most definitely not.

#5--I love The Office. I know I have done an ode to The Office already, but I recently downloaded the first season to my Ipod to rewatch, and it is just as funny now as it was then. My only question is what happened to Michael's hair? Has anyone else noticed the difference between Season 1 and the rest of the Seasons?

Can Water Balloons Really Be a Good Idea

2009-01-21T14:38:00.000-08:00

Two posts in one day...I think I am as shocked as the rest of you are.

So, this post is in honor of Lisa Peace, whom I just got off the phone with. She called asking if we had small balloons in the workroom. So, as I went to look, I asked what they were for, so that I could see if we had something that would work.

Turns out, she needs small balloons to make water balloons with the 1st and 2nd grade tonight. My first reaction is, "How fun!" My second reaction was, "Do I need to buy towels when I go to the store to buy balloons."

Regardless, I am thinking I may walk my little 2's and 3's down to her class tonight because it sounds way more fun than the animal shapes we are doing for Noah.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

2009-01-21T06:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I realize that I am neither Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music nor Oprah. However, I thought I would share with you one of my absolute favorite new finds.

It is the Laughing Cow Original Swiss Light Cheese. It is yum-o, and tastes especially good with an Golden Delicious Apple (and no, for those wondering, I am not getting a product deal out of this blog placement, I just love this cheese that much). I kidd you not, if you like cheese, you must try this.
In other news, I am still without my car and therefore having to drive around the world's most hideous rental car. My car is supposed to be ready this afternoon, and so I am keeping my fingers crossed. I even came into work early so that I could leave to pick it up this afternoon before church.

Happy Wednesday!

Best Phrase Ever

2009-01-16T18:49:00.000-08:00

I realize that I often claim that a lot of things are the "best ever." However, in the case of what I am about to tell you, it really is.

So, I was on the phone with a dear, sweet friend the other day, and she was having a rough day (or more accurately, a rough week/month). She was just needing to vent. As she was talking through all that was going on and how to handle things, she uttered what I believe to be the best phraise I have ever heard.

She proclaimed rather stoically that she was just going to have to "put her big girl panties on" and get over it. When she said that, I laughed harder than I have in a long time.

I kidd you not, I am looking forward to the day that I can pull that little phrase out of my back pocket and interject it into a conversation.