1 Undeniable Sign That It Is Officially Christmas Day

1. Because the date on the calendar reads December 25.

Merry Christmas to you and yours on this wonderful holiday!

2 Indications That It Is Almost Christmas

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone. Christmas is almost here, and with the approach of Christmas comes a whole new brand of crazy. Everyone is scurrying around to finish last minute gift shopping and grocery shopping. The time of season that should bring about peace and joy to everyone instead encourages impatience and a penchant towards road rage. Therefore, I have resolved to find my "inner ho-ho-ho" as I survive (I mean enjoy) the last 24 hours leading up to Christmas.

With all of that being said, here is my countdown list of 2 Indications That It Is Almost Christmas.

2. The sheer volume of sweets that seem to magically appear. Seriously, I don't know if this happens at anyone else's house, but in my family, boxes, tins, trays, and platters seem to materialize out of nowhere the moment Christmas seems to be upon us. My family even had to move an extra bookshelf into the dining area to help house said sweets. We have peanut patties, peanut brittle, fudge with nuts, fudge without nuts, 7 tubs of ice cream (two flavors), cupcakes, 2 banana puddings, pies, and a few other boxes-tins-trays-platters that I didn't even have a chance to open up. Christmas is definitely at our doorstep.

1. There is a line for the bathroom (and no, I am not venturing into the world of gastrointestinal issues...ick, gross). What the line indicates is that the house is full of people. I am currently out at my grandparents farm, and with everyone there, we have 30 people. And that means 30 people for 2 bathrooms. I think that ratio would have the OCIA people concerned. But it is almost Christmas, and the Christmas spirit means that it is okay to wait an uncomfortable length of time for your turn in the restroom.

Well, tomorrow brings the conclusion of my countdown list. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate and tomorrow's #1 list can go out with a bang (complete with PICTURES).

3 Reasons Not to Go to Walmart on December 22

First off, I want to give a BIG thank you to my friend Roxanne for taking on the duties of the #4 Countdown List. Even though I harassed her (in the comment section of the post) about not being able to count to four and using colored fonts and using different font sizes, her post really was great, and it was so nice to just turn "the pressure of the lists" over to someone else for a day. However, now I am going to step up the quality of my posts, because she set a much higher standard than what I typically strive for or am able to achieve.

My family has a bit more traveling to do today, and so I set my alarm in preparation of completing the #3 list before we were "on the road again" (yes, I am apparently feeling the need to channel my own innner Willie Nelson, and yes, I am currently wearing a red bandana to complete that channeling).

The inspiration for this countdown post comes from the trip I took last night to Walmart. (You are welcome to openly mock me in all of my stupidity now. If I weren't so traumatized by the trip, even I would be openly mocking myself.) Anyway, as I said, I made a trip last night to Walmart to pick up a few remaining items. I guess I should also admit that I went to Walmart really late the night before too, so there has been double trauma.

However, it is time to get on to the list. Here are 3 Reasons Not to Go to Walmart on December 22.

3. I think I saw all of the people who regularly make the "People of Walmart" website all in one trip. I saw all sorts of body parts that really left a scar seared into the back of my corneas (or retinas, or whatever part of the eye helps you see). To make matters worse, most of these folks chose to exhibit their holiday spirit by incorporating Christmas colors in their "interesting" choice of clothes. I mean we all know that nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a green and red bikini top in the middle of December on a person of a rather large nature. Oh, and did I mention that the words "Merry Christmas" were on her clothing item. Take a moment to think, and you will figure out where the "Merry" and the "Christmas" were. Truly, I can just feel my Christmas Spirit diminishing.

2. If you are needing to get a last minute gift, then there is a good chance that all you will end up with is a holiday pack of Nightswept (anybody catch the reference there?) and a dented tin of flavored popcorn. So, for my family members receiving those gifts, please remember that it is the thought that counts.

1. As "unusual" as a shopping experience can be at Walmart on a regular day, that oddity quotient jumps exponentially the closer to Christmas you get. Some of the things I saw last while completing my shopping--a family playing the game Twister in the middle of the toy section; a shopping cart with 6 kids in it being pushed by "bikini lady" from point #3 above; a man loudly singing "Material Girl" (really, Madonna transcends gender and age and senility); and the entire Village People group (okay, it probably wasn't really the Village People, but they were in costume).

With all of that being said, I have finally COMPLETED my Christmas shopping--WOOHOO! Now, I am not sure what tomorrow's post will be, but I have 6 hours in a car today to figure it out, so hopefully it will come to me.

(Tardy) Guest Blogger: My Four Favorite Animated Classics of Christmas (+2)

Hello, all. This is Roxanne. . .Jennifer's friend. She is headed north and west in the Grand and Glorious Empire, so she has asked me to be guest blogger today. I am VERY late with the post because I don't know if I can do her other lists justice, but I'm gonna try.

Therefore, I give you: The Four Animated Classics of Christmas (+2)

There may be more than 4 (+2) animated/claymation Christmas movies that could be named here, but these are the ones that harken back to my childhood and the huge Magnavox cabinet t.v. that got all of 2 channels (ABC and CBS). Either myself or one of my siblings served as the remote control. There were no VCR's, and 8 track tape players were still all the rage--though we didn't have one. We had one set and were at the whim of whatever "cops 'n robbers" show Daddy wanted to watch, but on Christmas special night, the t.v. was ours. Momma was normally in the kitchen making Martha Washingtons, or Millionaires, or Chex Mix, and we were on the couch in animated Christmas bliss.

So, these are The Classics according to me.

1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Who doesn't love this one? Poor little "Baby Claus" being given to Burgermeister Meisterburger--the most heinous of the claymation villians



Then, breaking away and being lost in the snow. Along come the wonderful Kringles with all of their rhyming names to the rescue.

"Well, wiggle my ears and tickle my toes. I think I see a baby's nose."

"It's more than a nose. There's a whole baby attached to it!"

"A baby what?"

"A baby Baby!!!!"

There's Topper the Penguin lost at the wrong pole, and the Winter Warlock who has always wanted a choo-choo, and lovely Jessica and the woodland wedding in the snow. Plus an all time classic Christmas song and some Fred Astaire and Mickey Rooney thrown in for good measure.

2. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer



Gene Autry had no idea the wonderful hero he would unleash on the world by recording "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." It's as much a part of Christmas as Santa. . .as are the varying versions with added lyrics. I love Burle Ives as the narrator. I love Rudolph's stuffy little voice when his dad puts mud on his nose to hide the glow. I love Mrs. Claus fussing at "Papa" because he's too skinny. I love Hermey and his obsession with dentistry. I love Clarice and her tenderness towards Rudolph.



And most of all I love Yukon Cornelius, his big booming voice, and his willingness to help tame the Bumble.

3. Frosty the Snowman

"Happy Birthday!" Classic. That and the little sproingy, bouncy noises made by the bunny as he escapes the evil magician. I remember as a child disolving into tears right along with Karen when we first see Frosty in his puddle state.

And who really ever gets all the words to the song right? Is it "jolly, happy soul" or "happy, jolly soul" or. . .everyone just seems to fall into a sustained hum at some point.

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas

There are no words I can say that will adequately do justice to your own memories of this classic. So, I let the images speak for themselves while the soundtrack runs through your mind.









Lest I get black-balled from being guest blogger again (and since there are more than four classic animated/claymation movies), allow me to add two more.

+1 How the Grinch Stole Christmas



Obviously, Christmas gold. "You're a mean one Mr. Grinch. . ."





Seriously. Does ANY animated character get as cute and as vulnerable as this one?




Narrator: As the Grinch took the tree, as he started to shove, he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast and he saw a small Who. Little Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two. She stared at the Grinch and said...

Cindy Lou Who: Santie Claus, why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?



And this poor, poor doggie. I just want to pat him on the head and give him a nice, warm blanket.

+2 Emmet Otters Jugband Christmas


I didn't see this until I was in Jr. High, but if you've not seen this little video, let me encourage you to do so. The songs, the story, the entire thing is great--especially when there ain't no hole in the washtub.

5 Foods That Should Be a Staple of Christmas

Yes, I realize that I did not post a preview for today's countodwn list at the end of yesterday's post, but that is because I had NO IDEA what I was going to write today. You see, I am from deep east Texas. Intelligence isn't naturally a part of who I am (it is due to all the inbreeding). So, doing this many posts in this short of a time period has taxed my brain substantially.

Anyway, yesterday I was standing in the youth minister's office after we had just come out of a long meeting, and I received some suggestions on the list for today. My first plan was for it to be 5 Words You Can Spell with the Letters in SANTA.

5. As
4. An
3. At
2. Sat
1. Satan

However, I thought I might receive a good bit of flack for associating the jolly bringer of Christmas goodies with the devil--even if it was meant in a truly humor-filled way.

The other suggestion I received was about food. So, without further adieu, here are 5 Foods That Should Be a Staple of Christmas.

5. Homemade Candy - Every family has different types of homemade candy they love at the holidays. My family prefers to eat fudge, Martha Washigton's (which I really don't understand while they are called that), and peanut brittle. My dentist prefers us to stick mainly with the peanut brittle because what better way to say, "Merry Christmas, and here is a boat payment for you," than by eating lots of hard, crunchy, and uber-sticky candy that is sure to form multiple cavities the moment it even goes near your mouth.

4. Store Bought Candy - You know you love a good Whitman's Sampler or a nice big Toblerone. Yes, this candy falls into the same dental category as the stuff above, but it also has an added bonus of being neatly packaged so that you can sit a box (or tube) in your lap and just eat away. All of the gyms love the store bought candy. In fact, they are in cahoots with Mr. Whitman and Mr. Toblerone to insure that after the holidays you will feel sufficiently larger thereby requiring a new gym membership as part of your "New Year's Resolution".

3. Rolls - It doesn't matter if your rolls are homemade or store bought. It is simply important to have them in a bread basket at each meal. Besides being an easy-to-eat food item for the little ones, if your Aunt Colleen starts getting mouthy with you at the dinner table, you can simply pick up a roll and throw it at her.

2. Mashed Potatoes - This food item should actually be a staple at ALL major holidays--Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Bastille Day. It is just good food. What makes mashed potatoes such a necessity is that Christmas is about family. It is about young and old coming together to celebrate the birth of Christ (nobody is allowed to point out that he was not actually born at this time of the year) and the spirit of togetherness and love. However, with such a wide age-range of people coming together, it is important to have food that everyone can eat, and mashed potatoes fits that requirement. It is soft enough for both babies and old people to gum down. Plus, you can make it as bland as you need to for those suffering from intestinal issues. Then, if throwing the rolls at Aunt Colleen doesn't work, mashed potatoes and a spoon make an excellent catapult. It is a win-win food all the way around.

1. Fruitcake - I have to admit that I have NEVER understood the appeal of fruitcake, but it seems to be available in copious amounts every holiday season. When did our dessert selection get so bad that someone thought a densely packed lump of cake stuffed with dried, candied fruits might be the best option. And the longer it sits there, the heavier it gets (really, have you picked up a block of fruitcake at the beginning of the holidays and then again at the end). I'm not sure how that happens, but I think it falls under the category of Christmas miracle. This year, I urge everyone to start replacing their fruitcakes with other, more-appetizing desserts. Or, at least cut it in to smaller pieces so that when you must pretend to enjoy some, you can wrap it into your napkin without too much notice.

Merry Christmas Week, and Happy Monday. Tomorrow's countdown list will be the 4 Joys of Christmas Ribbon.

6 Obscure Christmas Carol Lyrics

Who doesn't love a good Christmas Carol? This is the only season of the year with hundreds of songs dedicated specifically it to. And each year that we are together, my grandmother distributes typed and risographed lyric sheets that she made 25 years ago of Christmas carols for us to sing as a family (this is the hootenanny side of my family).

What I have noticed over the years, though, is that because of this tradition, I seem to know way more Christmas Carols than the average person, and I even seem to know all the verses that go along with these carols. Therefore, that was the inspiration for this countdown list--6 Obscure Christmas Carol Lyrics.

Now, unlike the other posts, this one is a quiz. I am curious as to how many of you can figure out what carol each of these come from. And please no googling...I know that trick. I have done it before. Also, I think you will notice "why" these verses or lyrics aren't typically sung in general society anymore.

SONGS:
6. Come Desire of Nations come,
Fix in us thy humble home.
Rise, the woman's conquering Seed,
Bruise in us the serpent's head.
Adam's likeness now efface
Stamp thine image in its place

5. Hither, page, and stand by me.
If thou know it telling:
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?
Sire, he lives a good league
Hence,underneath the mountain,
Right against the forest fence
By Saint Agnes fountain.

4. A day or two ago,
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright,
was seated by my side;
The horse was lean and lank,
misfortune seemed his lot;
He got into a drifted bank
and we got upsot.

3. Johnny wants a pair of skates;
Susy wants a dolly;
Nellie wants a story book;
She thinks dolls are folly;
As for me, my little brain
Isn't very bright;
Choose for me, old Santa Claus,
What you think is right.

2. Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer.

1. Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.


ANSWERS:
6. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
5. Good King Wenceslas
4. Jingle Bells
3. Jolly Old St. Nicholas
2. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

7 Ways to Survive the Holidays

Well, folks, I am a little later getting this post written than I intended, but I have not forgotten about it. Now that I have finished my Christmas shopping, my mind can focus solely on the task at hand which is 7 Ways to Survive the Holidays.

7. Put your earbuds in, turn on your Ipod, and refuse to make contact with the outside world until December 26. When you are asked to set the table for dinner, simply point at your ears, shake your head, and mouth, "I can't hear you." Keep doing this until the requesting person walks away.

6. Pretend you are sleeping. Go into one of the back bedrooms with your portable DVD player or a book and get under the covers. Then, when you hear someone approaching the door, assume the sleep position. If anyone asks why you are so tired, explain to them that the soup kitchen is short on volunteers, and so you have been working extra shifts.

5. Embrace the craziness around you. We've all heard the phrase, "If you can't beat them, then join them." Well, this applies to Christmas too. If you have repeatedly asked the carolers to skip your house after 8pm because it might wake the kids, and yet they continue to deck your halls, then join. Grab a good, old-fashioned bullhorn, and travel around the neighborhood with them singing the Christmas carols in as off-key a tune as possible. If the children or going to be disturbed, them disturb them wholeheartedly.

4. Take up residence at the movie theater. A lot of really good movies open up Christmas day. Head out to the theater as soon as you get up, and just rotate between movies until you've managed to avoid Christmas altogether.

3. Become the holiday photographer, and go crazy snapping pictures of anything and everything you see. Don't be afraid to be obtrusive. Get in your families' faces and give them photographic direction as if they were on the set of a shoot. Wear your camera around your neck and repeat this behavior everywhere you go. Pretty soon, your family will start avoiding you like the plague.

2. Don't cook a single thing for the holidays. Become the anti-Martha Stewart. Tell your family that in order to remain calm and peaceful that you need to keep your stress level down and your cholesterol up. Pick up breakfast each morning from Shipleys, then swing by McDonalds for lunch (but at least allow your family to order more than 1 item off the dollar menu), and for dinner, find an all you can eat buffet. Now, of course, Christmas dinner needs to be special, so pull out all of the leftovers from the fast-food eating, mix them all together, and call it Shepherd's Pie. Someone may need to go to the hospital after Christmas is over, but it won't be due to stress.

1. Pretend you don't speak English. Learn a few key phrases in a different, but obscure, language. Then when you are walking through the stores, and people start becoming impatient or rude simply respond to them with one of the pre-learned phrases. At checkout, if someone taps you on the shoulder and asks if they can go ahead of you because they only have 1 item, pull out a pre-learned phrase or two, and just keep repeating it at them until they leave you alone. This also works to keep well-intentioned sales clerks from making long-conversation.

Well, I hope these little tips will help your holiday go a little better. Although, I'm thinking I shouldn't have posted all of them, because now my family will know what I am up to when I pretend to be napping. Hmm...should have rethought that one.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's countdown list...6 Obscure Christmas Carol Lyrics.