Hon, Honey, Babe, Sweetie Pie...

Okay, I know many of you have heard my thoughts on this already, but I think it warrants being said again.

If you do not know me well, and especially if you have never actually met me, then you are NOT NOT NOT allowed to call me Hon, Honey, Babe, Sweetie Pie, or any variation of those "terms of endearment."

They are called "terms of endearment" for a reason, and generally, they accompany some sort of personal relationship. Being the drive-thru person at the dry cleaners does not make you personally connected to me in any way, shape, or form that then makes "Hon" a permissable part of your vocabulary when talking to me.

And you know, it's even ickier when you have the whole "creepy old man" vibe going (but that is definitely a post for another day).

Just in case you are still uncertain as to my feelings on the matter, I have included a line graph with this post. The X-axis denotes specific people who might use terms of endearment, and the Y-axis indicates level of acceptability.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

(Yes, I am singing that in my best Bing Crosby voice.)

It really is the most wonderful time of the year. It's the day before Thanksgiving and only a month until Christmas. I love the fact that during this time of the year, families come together to enjoy their many blessings. I also love that during this time of the year, people can put aside their differences and show kindness to one another. (Although, someone forgot to tell a few of the patrons at the mall that fact today.)

As much as I love this season and revel in the joy of the holidays, I do have one dark little secret lurking about that I feel compelled to share with you.

Are you ready?

(Please don't judge me.)

Okay...here it goes...I do not decorate for the holidays. Yes, you read that correctly. I don't put out centerpieces. I don't hang special towels in the bathroom. And I don't hang a wreath from my door. As bad as all of that sounds, you still haven't heard the worst of it. I don't even put up a Christmas tree. (Yes, I can hear the collective gasping sound.)

I know many of you decorate multiple rooms with multiple themes during the holiday season, and I very much enjoy looking at your decorations and remarking on their beauty. I just don't haul out any of said decorations and put them up. (The one exception being my great-grandmother's angel bells.)

So this year, as you are beginning to deck your halls with lots of holiday cheer and spirit, make the Christmas candies, and put out the presents, please keep in mind that I need to locate a tree to put my Christmas presents under, and so if you have some extra space under yours, I would be willing to rent it from you. And, if your tree has a little train that goes around the base, I will pay extra.

A Snapshot Glimpse of My Life

So, earlier today, I took this picture of my office because it is very indicative of my life and my work. As most of you know, when you walk into my office, it is generally pretty messy, and while the mess stays there most of the time, I can always (well, almost always) find what I am looking forward.

Notice the Break the Ice Game. This was used at an event in September, and I still haven't managed to find a place for it.

To the left of the game, you see my computer bag and a reusable shopping bag. The shopping bag has my walking clothes in it so that I can change after work and go walking with one of my friends (I won't actually need it until Thursday, so I am apparently not doing a great job at walking regularly).

See the 3 lone, red boxes in the top center of the photo. Those are my attempt at decorating my office. Yes, that is as far as I got. Although, it is definitely further than I got with my house. All of the home decorating items are still sitting on a table waiting to be distributed.

To the right of the boxes, notice the stack of ink cartridges. Yes, I hoard those. You get $3 a cartridge in credit from Office Max. With the amount of supplies I purchase, I need every bit of credit I can get.

My book shelf is also scattered with various books and trinkets, but my favorite one is the handicapped sign because there are many days that I feel more than a bit handicapped.

Last, but not least, there is a loaf of bread in the bottom center of the photo. The husband of one of our secretaries brought me in a special loaf baked just for me this morning. Guess what I had for lunch? Yep, a peanut butter sandwich on fresh baked bread.

Can you spot Dashboard Jesus? He's next to Bobblehead Dwight.

When in Doubt, Turn Around

I am still a little bit on my "I don't know what to write" kick. So, since I can't come up with anything terribly interesting, you are going to hear about how my compassal-sense (really don't think that is a word, much less a hyphenated word) failed me miserably.

As you are all well-aware, I have a pretty bad track record with getting lost. It really doesn't matter if I go to google maps, yahoo maps, AND mapquest to print out both forward and reverse directions, I STILL somehow manage to get lost. (Those who have ridden in the car with me while I am trying to follow aforementioned directions, probably don't find it terribly hard to believe this as they have also probably seen me YELLING at the different directional pages when I don't understand the directions.)

Anyway, as I was driving home the other night, it was PITCH BLACK outside (excuse-to-make-me-feel-better-about-myself #1). It had to have been at least midnight or 1am (actually, it was 8:30pm, but with the time change, it looked much, much later). I headed out of my friend's driveway and began on my way home. About 5 miles into the drive, it dawned on me that I probably should have hit my next turn by this point. However, I just assumed that because I couldn't really see where I was going, it just seemed like I had driven farther than I actually had. In fact, I was sure I had not read my odometer correctly when I checked the mileage (excuse-to-make-me-feel-better-about-myself #2). So, I drove on a little longer.

Finally, after I passed 3 or 4 things that I truly did not recognize, I thought that maybe I had turned the wrong direction when I left my friend's house. So, I turned around and was finally back on track (this was verified by finally coming to the road that I was actually supposed to turn on about 10 miles ago in the opposite direction).

When I came to the dead-end, I knew for certain where I was, and I made a lovely right-hand turn (truly, I easily passed the Bible test, but the Bible test is a story for another post), and drove for a good long while until I came to an incorporated area that I had never seen before. It was at that moment, that I thought to myself, "Hmm...did I take a wrong turn?" (Yes, feel free to openly mock me.)

As you might guess, I turned around and went in the other direction. About 30 minutes later, I had made it back to the "mistake" vicinity and was able to continue on. At this point, I really must admit that I didn't ACTUALLY KNOW where I was, I was just guessing that if the direction I had been going was wrong, then the other direction stood a good chance of being right.

Now, I know you are wondering why I did not stop and ask directions or stop and call someone to help, and I have very good reasons, too. First, I couldn't stop and ask directions I was in the middle of nowhere in rural Houston, Texas (really, stop laughing...that is not nice). Secondly, I am fairly certain that anybody I could have called was asleep by this time of night because it had taken me so long to figure out that I was lost in the first place.

Never fear, I did finally make it home, and it only took me an extra hour to make it there (that is a huge improvement in Jennifer-gets-lost world).

I Need Ideas

Help, I desperately need ideas for blog posts. I just can't come up with anything. I've had LOTS of little things happen over the week, but I think they all fall into "you don't want to hear about that" category.

Here are just a few things that you WOULDN'T want to read as a full-fledged blog post.

1. How I caught my toenail on a chair as I was moving it and now have only 9 toenails.
2. The person in front of me at the HEB checkout line who decided that it was the appropriate time to pick her teeth.
3. The fact that I have lost my "to do" list (you have no idea how much information this list contained), and I have been frantically searching my office for it.
4. The adverse reaction I had to the "past due" soy milk I tried to drink for breakfast the other day.
5. My shopping excursion to 2 Michaels and 3 Hobby Lobbys in search of a particular type of foam.

Unless I come up with an idea soon, there is a good chance that one of the abovementioned topics will make up the content of my next blog post.